Alan Smithee

WPR Discusses – Workday Supernova

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Our WPR chatroom at work can yield some interesting discussions, much like the one that we just had about nuclear weaponry and supernovae…seriously we’ve just had a 30 minute long discussion about 1 Gigaton explosions, antimatter, and our own Sol going supernova. We speculate, because we’re not scientists, that the 1 AU that the ‘splosion would have to cross (if the radiation didn’t kill us first) would take about 8 minutes moving at light speed before it hit us.

The question is what would you do in that time considering the EMP killed all electronics, and since the sun is gone, there’s no light to be seen…again, we’re not scientists, it’s just speculative, any good ol MacGuffin would do here. But the important thing is that it happens right NOW at work and around noon on a Wednesday. GO!

James (Cyanics) Helsby

God, how morbid is that. Well, I guess I am in an easier position than many, cause at least I am with my son today. So what would I do?

1) Go outside. Enjoy the last few minutes of the sun with my son.
2) Try desperately to call my wife, tell her I love her, and hope to hell that the phones work.
3) Repent, with a sense of urgency. I have a hell of a lot of sins to clear from my soul.
4) Burn something.
5) Spend at least 5 minutes checking my email. Because I do it so many times during a normal day that it is just habit.
6) Balance my checking account. I don’t want to go to hell, and bounce a check.
7) Bounce a check, a really really big check.
8) Drink all the booze I have left in my house. I doubt I will even feel anything inside of the 8 minutes, but at least it will help cousion the system.
9) Find a towel. Always know where your towel is, especially in the after life.
10) Kiss my ass goodbye.

Ryan (Bigbrusr) Thomason

With a realization that in 8 minutes, my out of shape self would never be able to sprint to my wife’s work or see my children one last time. I’d have to sit at my desk, lean back in my chair until it creaks just so and put my hands behind my head. What would I be contemplating? Well, probably other than sobbing to myself, I’d be saying my goodbyes to everyone I love and think of the great times I’ve had with my wife and kids. At around 7.5 minutes, I’d strip naked, stand on my desk and tell the universe to go screw itself, and hip thrust my way into oblivion.

Christopher (Xopher) Reed

Hmmm, 8 minutes eh? Well for the first minute or so I’d be in a state of disbelief, then I’d stand up and use that time to be completely honest with all of my coworkers about what I really think about them. Afterwards, I’d mosey into the breakroom, break open the vending machine and take a few packets of twinkies and beef jerky and work my way outside to the parking lot to enjoy my snacks laying on my back while watching my impending doom come closer. In the moments before it hit, I’d give it the good ol’ double gun salute and yell out “FUCK YOU PHYSICS!” before being engulfed, as a last defiant human stand against the inevitable.

Ryan (thef1sh) Wilson

Start singing Space Oddity to myself, and wait to find out if I’ve been wrong in my atheism or if I was right.

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