Alan Smithee

Walking Dead “Better Angels” Impressions

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We’ve known this entire season that the drama between Shane and Rick as to who may be the baby daddy of Lori’s unborn as well as who might be the better mentor for young and impressionable Carl, though to be honest…I had no idea that what transpired this week would happen this episode and in the order in which it went down. Spoilers AHOY!

You’ve been warned, so turn back now if you don’t care to know what happened this episode.

Point #1 of this episode: It’s getting cold

The series is headed into winter as America is headed into springtime and summer months which means that while we’ll be enjoying multiple BBQs and time in the sun, our faithful survivors will be holed up in Hershel’s house (some more comfy than others)…hoping to survive the harsh Georgia winter. Considering I live in Utah and have lived in the Great White North before, the thoughts of a southern winter being harsh just makes me laugh. This is hammered home by my years spent in the south and only seeing marginal snow and ice during the winter months.

Ok we get it, it’s getting cold outside and you need to get your asses indoors because not only will the survivors be hungry during the lean months, so will the roving hoards of walkers who have apparently taken a liking to beef the way I like to eat it.

Point #2: Dale is dead

The Jiminy Cricket of the Georgian wastelands is gone. Long live anarchy…or so I’d like to think. If it weren’t for the fact that everyone was pining the death of the grown up Gilligan’s Island survivor you’d think nothing had really been happening with the group. Well at least Carl feels bad about being a little dumbshit who caused his death. Regardless of how often these guys try to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, in my opinion it is his fault. If he weren’t fucking around with Mr. Lipless, we’d still have a voice of reason.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d have killed Randall myself on the charges of attempted murder and accomplice to many other crimes (if you really needed a reason to kill off a guy who could lead a band of rape to your front door)…but at least Dale felt like he was trying to remain human. Well, right until the point where the zombie pulled his testicles out from his stomach.

Point #3: Daryl is the best character this show has

Without his sick-ass older brother Merle, Daryl has come into his own. I’ll keep this brief but he really is the brains of the group considering he knows when to shut up and when to walk away…hence the scene where he “needs to take a piss”. I literally laughed at his brevity at that point.

Let’s not forget his tracking skills leading to Shane’s act which took us to our third act.

Point #4: Lori is fucking retarded

The most sure fire way that there is to drive a mentally deranged knuckle dragging ape of a man into a husband murdering rampage is to let him know that the times you had when said husband was soap-opera dead meant something to you and that the baby that you’re currently having, might just be his and that you think that “boy that must be hard on you”. Seriously lady, you know that he killed Otis and was capable of so much more, and you tell him shit like that?

Point #5: Shane was thinking with Shane Jr.

Thanks to the Lori pep-rally that happened at the windmill, Shane finally decided to once again take things into his own hands with the disposal of Randall…though he was merely using this as a pretext to killing Rick by staging an ‘escape’ of the prisoner.

Seriously Shane was the Dr. Tancredi sex that good? Good enough to kill your best friend? Don’t you know the adage of (and I choke to say this myself) “Bros Before Hoes”?

I kid, I kid, I don’t believe in that type of thinking, but I do think that Lori led Shane right to his own demise, even if she didn’t know it. Only if Mr. Psycho-pants would have taken a few minutes of forethought before releasing Randall and locking the shed back up, he might have gotten by a little better. Then again, anyone who would willingly smash their face into a tree to break their nose is insane.

Thankfully this episode gave us comic fans the release we’ve been waiting for, and that is the death at the hands of Rick Grimes with a knife to the heart…though many would argue he needed to go the way of the dodo about 12 episodes ago from his near-rape at the CDC and the willful slaughter of that portly gentleman Otis this season.

Honestly good riddance to a character that I loved to hate.

Point #6: Rick is stupid, stupid, stoopid

You never turn your back on a guy who has nearly killed you and/or left you for dead before, especially the guy who laid pipe with your wife and gave man-tips to your son while you were ‘dead’. How dumb and trustingly blind can Rick be to allow him the opportunity time and time again?

Point #7: Biggest bombshell this season

You don’t need to be bitten to become a walker after death, what does this tell you?!? EVERYONE will become a walker after they die meaning that at every loved one’s funeral, you’ll need to make sure they’re put at least six feet under OR given a ceremonial bullet to the brain stem. I didn’t think they’d reveal this detail so soon in the story, but I do think that this was what the CDC guy told Rick in a whisper before blowing the place to kingdom come.

This is all rampant speculation of course, but you gotta love a show that not only redeems itself with a triple WTF moment near the end but also gives you the promise of a zombie battle royale for the season finale.

I’m completely jazzed to see how the survivors hold up at the farm with the size of the zombie horde headed their way, even though I find it comical that the zombies have nothing else going on but to stand in the middle of the fucking woods like bowhunters doing speedballs, just itching for their next fix until they hear a gunshot or two.

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