Alan Smithee

Valve PR Wins the Internet

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Portal 2, subtitled Half Life 3 Episode 3

We get a literal shitload of PR emails daily, and the number multiplies to a metric fuckton as trade shows and major expos start to get closer. Thankfully we tend to filter a whole bunch of this stuff into usable posts and actual information that you can digest without getting ‘hype-sickness’. So when we say that the PR we’ve been getting from Valve has been refreshing. You should know we mean it.

It’s great to hear a company come out and give honest reasons for delaying a game, and even better that company isn’t afraid of making fun of themselves in the process.

As you might recall, Valve has been doing funny stuff in their PR emails for a week or so now, especially since the buildup to E3 this year. Last time it was the company saying essentially that there was to be special news alongside the Portal 2 news. This week though, the company states pretty simply that they’re delaying the release of Portal 2 because “Making Games is Hard”. Read the entirety of the email below.


June 9, 2010 — Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

Read that last paragraph again, all of you damned people out there clammoring over what’s happening with Valve and their IPs can finally shut the hell up. We now know that the E3 booth will be Portal 2 themed and the game will be shown there. I’m not saying hope for more, but don’t expect it.

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