The Weekly Facepalm – Jan. 12-18th

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Welcome one and all to another experiment of yours truly. First a little background on how the idea got started.

Our lord and master Shogun here at MWN decided it was time to start threatening his staff with puppy punting and kitten throwing unless we all started writing a weekly article. So I knew it was time. I had to do something to stop all those poor puppies from getting punted across the country. I knew I needed something good enough that would not put all the deaths of those puppies on my conscience (since I cared nothing for the kittens), and yet not get in the way too much of drinking, whoring and sleeping.

And so was born the Weekly Facepalm, where I, as your smart-ass host, will take a look at some news articles this past week that just simply made me *facepalm*.

So, let’s get into this and see what we can do. Let’s see if any of you get the same reaction as I did.

Remember, it’s for the puppies. So please read it!!! Save the puppies!!

Follow the blood trail

So the story goes that last Wednesday, in Helena, Montana, two men shot a deer in an alleyway and disposed of the body in a ditch after cutting it’s head off. Not that big of a deal right? I mean it is Montana, nothing ever goes on there and if these guys had been a little bit smarter, they would have probably gotten away with it. Too bad for them, they didn’t think about the fact that when you cut the head off of ANYTHING, it kinda bleeds out. So really, it wasn’t that hard to figure out where they had gone. I felt I had to be reading some Jeff Foxworthy joke or something.

You might be a redneck if….you forget about basic physics!!

Secret Service Agents are smart

On the same day that the intrepid deer hunters were making their ill-advised beheading, a train bound for Chicago was held up by the police on the report that an armed gunman was on board the train. How did this start and who was the gunman? Well first, do something for me. Please close your eyes and imagine a scene from a movie. A very serious police chief is directing his men in their duties. One by one passengers come off the train and are searched for the weapon. Then a very plain looking man with a big mustache walks up to the police chief and offers his help as a law enforcement officer. When they ask his branch, he tells them Secret Service and inquires into what the police are looking for. Lo and behold, they were looking for him!! The Secret Service dude was the lone, dangerous gunman all along!!

Seriously, just read the article and if you don’t facepalm and then laugh out loud at the genius of the men and women protecting our president……you are dead.

This guy would make a good Secret Service dude

News Flash: Nude pics of yourself are a bad idea

So, we’ve all done it at one point or another right? You send a pic of yourself in your favorite thong to some girl that you are interested in, to show her that your butt, while very white and hairy, looks so much better with a piece of leopard string in your crack. Right?…..ok fine, just stop looking at me like that.

Two teenage girls took some nudey pics of themselves(sorry no pics available, you perverts) and then sent them to other teenage boys. How were they discovered? One of these future porn stars got in trouble for using their cell phone in class and the phone was confiscated. A short time later the photos were discovered. So teachers now have the right to go through your phone after they confiscate them? Guess I’ll need to delete those pictures of king3vbo and the monkey.

The part that made me facepalm was that the two girls are being charged with the manufacture and distribution of child pornography and the boys with the possession of such items. When did teenage nudity become child pornography when sent to fellow teens? I highly doubt anything will come out of this case, since there is so much gray area in the law about teens dealing with other teens, still, it made me just sigh and wonder where all our common sense went.

Editor’s note: This is not to say that I support child porn. I despise it and believe all men and women who abuse children in that way should be shot. Just wanted to make that clear.

Books are now dangerous for children

Coming out of Jacksonville, FL, is this interesting tidbit. Apparently a new federal law is coming into pass that all items for children 12 and under, must be tested for lead. The result? Follow this logic:
1. Books contain small amounts of lead.
2. Most books are in libraries.
3. Therefore libraries contain lead.
4. Libraries will no longer contain children.
That’s right folks. Because of the danger books possess toward children, this law could effectively ban children from libraries unless all the books in that library have been tested for lead. The problem? Lead testing PER BOOK, could range between $300 – $600. I don’t know about you, but I have never seen a rich librarian, unless they strip on the side. I lose faith in our government everyday.

Help me!!! This book is dangerout!!!

So there you have it. Just a few of the stories that made me pull a Picard and wonder at what the world is coming to. If any of you ever see anything good enough to share for a collective facepalm, please send them to [email protected] If they are good enough, I’ll post them.
Good night!!!

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