Ryan Thomason

The Adventures of Eric and Goosh: Sword fighting in the park (Part 2)

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And the…dramatic? Conclusion to Sword fighting in the park

Eric’s 1986 cherry red Honda Prelude pulled into the parking lot of the sprawling park that was across the street from a myriad of homes and small commercial businesses. Six men were already gathered into a small group a short distance away from the parking lot, standing around with bags thrown haphazardly onto the fine green grass. A splattering of wooden instruments littered the ground around the bags, short swords, long swords, a claymore, and something that looked like it was a Klingon weapon from Star Trek.

“They stay near the parking lot so that they can run to their cars faster when the real men show up, or an old lady walking her poodle scares them.” Goosh mocked as he undid his seatbelt.

Eric snorted. “So says the one pretending to be a Jedi to fight them?”

Goosh pulled on the inside handle of the door and shouldered it open, it swung fast and nearly dented the car next to him, all while shouting.


At this time, the men turned toward the small Honda Prelude, Eric hanging his head low and shaking it in displeasure. “You don’t know what you are in for…” Eric trailed off, but it was useless, Goosh was already bounding toward the group.

With hood hanging over his face, shrouding it in a slight darkness, Goosh approached the group with his hands clasped together. He was practically giggling by the time he stood before the group, who now was looking seriously pissed off. “Greetings Yes, How Fare you? Yes?” Goosh tried for a Yoda impersonation as an ice breaker.

Eric was not too far behind. “I tried to stop him guys, but he is hard to persuade when his simpleton mind is set on something, he wants to, er, workout.”
One fellow stepped forward, he was probably five foot 9 tops, grossly overweight, dark rimmed glasses with a thick lenses that made his eyes appear more bulgy than humanely possible, his cheeks were so red they looked like someone had spent the last year slapping his face. He was the most ordinate dressed out of everyone, a black long sleeve shirt with a red dragon emblem sewn into the front of it, and black sweatpants to match. He wore a thick belt that looked like it was some cheap corrugated metal bent over a normal leather belt. Already a wooden longs word was protruding from between the belt and himself, he wore no scabbard, but had a wooden shield slung across his back.

Nasally, he spoke, “How dare you mock us! I’m going to kick your ass up and down this field; you’ll have to prove yourself worthy to learn how to fight light a warrior.”

Giggling, Goosh had to really try hard to keep his voice from breaking too much with his bad impersonation.

“Evil, I sense, Yes. And Krispy Kremes. You are on the path to the fat side, yes.”

The group bristled at the remark, rallying behind their leader, they were a mix of body types some looked like they were actually in shape, some were obviously just looking for a weekend hobby to break the lull of a desk job, a few perhaps took this very seriously. Nobody wanted to see something they liked mocked though, and so swords were drawn, though they made no cool slinking sounds like the movies, wood doesn’t slink. Goosh however was grinning ear to ear as he pulled his LighSaber from where he was hiding it in his sleave, the plastic clicking out methodically as he flicked it. With the push of a button it hummed that familiar sound and Goosh swished his weapon in front of himself.

“You are no trouble for one so strong as me, mother fuckers!” Goosh taunted.

The leader stepped forward once more, his face was growing more red, he looked like a cherry more by the minute. “You’re a dumbass and a loser, I’ll kick your ass myself and when I’m done they will feed on your bitch ass corpse.”

“You will stop feeding on McDonalds and Hamburlgers.” Goosh waved a hand in front of the leaders face.

“Force Persuasion…” Goosh softly added under a grinning mouth.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” The leader shouted as he reached down and tried to pull his sword from where it was tucked away between his poorly made belt. His large body nearly toppled over as the wooden sword caught on the metal of the belt, and refused to move for a second. It gave Goosh the timing that he needed.

Swinging his plastic Light saber, Goosh struck the leader right in the face, as the leader squirreled up his face in revulsion of mild pain Goosh took a free hand and stepped closer to the kid.

“Force SACK TAP!” Goosh laughed as he used his right hand and flicked it into the leaders genitals, sending the kid gasping and collapsing to the ground.

Though, by the time this happened, the rest of the group was in a full push to beat the living shit out of Goosh. “Force…RUN THE FUCK AWAY!” Was all Goosh could get out as he turned and sped away as fast as his legs could carry him.

Quickly he removed the rope on his sheet and was able to get it off of himself in a flourish, raising his hands into the air, it made the sound of a flicking cloth and caught the wind. The sheet wrapped itself around the feet of one of his pursuers and sent the poor fellow smashing into the ground.

Meanwhile, Eric stood in the same position he had been in since the whole conversation between the two began. Only he rotated slightly to his left to watch the pursuit take place.

Having no method of transportation to get out of the park, Goosh resorted to running into erratic lines and mocking the people who were chasing him. Eventually he decided that getting the high ground was needed, and jumped up into a tree and climbed a good enough distance to remain out of their grasp, but could hit them with his Light saber if they tried to climb after him. By the time Goosh managed to get into the Tree, Eric was walking back toward his car and when he was about to get in, his cell phone rang, he smiled as he looked at the name that was calling him.

“That was Epic in so many ways.” Was all Eric could say.

Goosh laughed from the receiver of Eric’s cell phone, his voice slightly crackling from the reception. “Took that bitch DOWN! I’m going to be in this tree for a while, think you can drive your car over here and Mad Max them or something? You run them down, I jump on the top and we drive off.”

“If your predicament changes, I may come pick you up from the park.” Eric replied as he opened the car door and tossed his gym bag inside onto the front passenger seat.

Goosh laughed. “Most of their moms are probably going to get them in an hour or so anyways, when the herd thins I’ll book it across the street to that bar and have a few celebratory beers and snag some hotties while these guys get on their Xbox Live accounts and call people gay all the time on their headsets.”

“Good luck with that.” Eric replied as he sat himself into the drivers seat, he started to take the phone away from his ear but before he snapped the phone shut to turn it off he heard one final remark.

“You will lose your virginity if you become my apprentice….force persuasion.”

Said the softly fading Goosh as Eric snapped his phone shut with a chuckle. He made sure to honk his horn twice as he drove around the block past the tree with five men standing below it shouting at a Light saber that was poking out from the branches.

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