Ryan Thomason

The Adventures of Eric and Goosh: Star What?

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It’s Tuesday, and that means more Eric and Goosh!

Goosh and Eric sat in a busy burger bar, their small table for two is old and worn, and covered in crayon marks. A soft white cloth drapes over the center of the table, it is worn from wear and wash, and it smells of industrial cleaner. The walls are a red brick, and people have written their names or made comments onto them in various black and white colorings. With their food arrived in little red trays, their burgers and fries are heaped onto the bowl shaped plates a couple of fries spilling over onto the table.

Goosh grabs the bottle of ketchup and begins pouring it all over the fries. “Nom, Nom, Nom.” He says.

“What the fuck is that? Pacman?” Eric asked, one eyebrow raised.

“I dunno, I just heard it on the internet, they were making fun of fat people eating stuff, and those words were under their pictures. Hee-larious.” Goosh smiled as he put a fry in his mouth.

Eric pulled a small white bowl over toward his food, and squirted some ketchup onto it, It was partially filled mayonnaise that the waitress had brought for him and he mixed the two together, he now had a fry dipping sauce.

“Why would you repeat something that you have no idea about? What if it is French for, ‘I have a small penis?’ you’d look like a moron.”

“Since when did we care what the French think about us?” Goosh asked, as he stuffed four fries into his mouth, ketchup dripping off his hand.

“They think you are an uncultured pig, I fit right in, I’m educated and appreciate the finer things in life.” Eric replied, raising his nose toward Goosh

“You mean you’re an asshole.” Goosh fired back.

“Sophisticated.” Eric retorted.

“My ass, you like Star Trek. Kirk was a douche bag.” Goosh mocked.

“He was not! You’re a fucking Star Wars, George Lucas dick sucker.” Eric replied, pounding a fist on the table, much to the jostling of the people sitting near them.

“You’re a hater, the Prequels were good entertainment.” Goosh said back at him.

Eric nearly busted with anger. “The Originals were sacred, SACRED! Lucas turned his back on US, I’ll never forgive him, ever, Star Trek owns my heart now.”

Goosh stared. “Star WARS.”

“Star TREK!” Eric replied.

“Star WARS!” Goosh snarled, through a open mouth of burger.

“Anakin was a butt-fucker.” Eric hissed.

“Spock and Kirk would 69 each other in the Captains quarters.” Goosh retorted, biting off a huge chunk of burger.

The two stared at each other a few uneasy seconds, ready to spring at each other as if coiled snakes. They were interrupted when a new waitress came over, her breasts were large, and her cleavage low, they jiggled as she giggled up to their table. Leaning onto the table, she gave both the young college men ample viewing.

“Um, you guys like need anything?’ She asked.

Eric and Goosh just stared and shook their heads, she smiled and bounded away.

Goosh looked over to Eric, and turned his head slightly, his eyes were wide and big smile on his face. He picked up his beer and raised it toward Eric.

“Niiiiiiicccee!” He said. “I’m going to hit that tonight!”

“You’ll have better luck with Mrs Righty or Mrs Lefty.” Eric grinned.

“What were we fighting about?” Goosh asked as he took a swing from his beer.

“That you aren’t Pacman?” Eric shrugged.

“Nom Nom Nom Nom.” Goosh said as he chowed down on a mixture bite of burgers and fries, pretending he was playing with a set of boobs at the same time.

They both laugh.

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