Ryan Thomason

The Adventures of Eric and Goosh: Mediawhorin it

Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size Text Size Print This Page

Can Eric resist the temptation to become what he hates?

Eric sits at his chair and nods confidently at his computer screen, he rolls his mouse in his right hand and finds the Post button, and clicks on it.

“Ah, another blog post down for the world to relish in.” Eric sighs as he takes a drink from his Coke.

Eric raises an eyebrow as he hears a honking in the driveway and walks over to the window. Standing next to a brand new Mercedes, Goosh is wearing a Monster energy drink hat and shirt, some designer pants, and shoes that look like they were made from alligator skin. On top of that, he was wearing a brand new Rolex watch, a diamond and platinum chain necklace, and several rings on his fingers. Behind him in a truck and trailer that is overloaded with boxes upon boxes of merchandise.

Eric opens up his window, it makes a slight ‘shurpunk’ sound as it fully opens, Eric pokes out his head. “Did you rob a bank or something?”

Goosh smiles, his teeth have those grill things so fond in hip hop culture. “I started blogging dog!”

“I’ve been blogging for three years and I’ve never made a dime, I still think you robbed a bank.” Eric shouted out the window still

“I don’t know what happened, I started talking nice about this one product and then I get an email that these other people will send me free stuff if I talk nice about it too! And then all of a sudden, everyone loves me cause I make their stuff look good!” Goosh tells Eric.

“Didn’t your blog just start out about pictures of celebrity girls cleavage, and how you wanted to put your head into them?” Eric asked.

Goosh chuckled. “That’s ALL it is! Well, and product reviews! I’m getting hits on the site like MAD!”

Eric shook his head. “I get solicited sometimes, but you have to say no, draw the line somewhere and have your dignity intact.”

Goosh raised a finger at Eric, “Hold on, my new iPhone is ringing.” Goosh takes the iPhone out of his pocket and talks at a level Eric can’t hear. He clicks the phone off after a few seconds, then does a fist pump.

“Who the hell was that?” Eric questioned.

Goosh then started hip thrusting at Eric, “Just got tickets to MEHICO! HRMP!” Goosh added an extra hip thrust at the end.

Eric frowned “What the hell for?”

Goosh shrugged his shoulders. “Some travel company wants to hook me up cause I’m so cool, and if I bring enough good traffic their way, I’ll get to go to Amsterdam!”

“You know that what you’re doing is practically illegal and false advertising, all you’re doing is giving your readers an extremely bias viewpoint that doesn’t take into account any of the bad things your products are. You’re becoming a whore.” Eric explained.

“But whores get laid, and free shit!” Goosh spread his arms out as if to show his prizes.

“At what cost?” Eric asked.

“What, am I going to get internet herpes? Oh, I’m so scared.” Goosh fake shivered, and then laughed as he climbed back into his truck and reversed out of the driveway, then sped off down the street.

Eric blew out a stead stream of air, his cheeks puffing out and then falling back to normal. He walked back to his chair, spun it around and then sat in it and looked at his web blog. He had a few thousand hits that day already, there was no advertising at all to be seen. If he had done any reviews of products, they were critical, precise, and even if he liked the product, he dissected it enough that you could find little faults in it. Wearily, he scratched the back of his neck and looked around his empty room. Opening up MS Word, he type out a header for a new article. Then sat and stared at the words for a few minutes.
“Best TV, of the year? Sorry, NO! It’s the best TV of the WORLD, EVER!” Read the headline, Eric scrolled and selected the whole thing and his finger hovered over the delete button. His forehead sweaty with unease, as elusive dreams snaked into his consciousness, as he easily beheaded one, another sprang up.

Biting his lip, Eric made his decision, closed his eyes, and did what he knew he had to do.

He just wondered if he was going to regret it or not.

Leave us a Comment