Police On A Power Trip

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What follows is a short recount of last night’s adventure between the hours of 9:00pm and 03:00am (GMT)

So last night I was sitting in the Mediawhore IRC room gleefully joining in the Metallica vs Megadeath debate (Metallica wins hands down by the way, well before The Black Album anyway) when I get a call from my housemate, Steve. Seems he had locked himself out of his car an hours drive away, and wanted me to go fetch it. I grudgingly obliged the blithering idiot, and when I arrived found out his keys had mysteriously ended up in the boot of the car, through no fault of his of course.

We were standing by his car trying to think if there’s a way we can get the keys without calling the RAC/AA or smashing a window when who should turn up but your friendly neighbourhood police man. Of course a “concerned resident” had seen us acting extremely shady around a car and assumed we were attempting to steal the thing. Bearing in mind this is an F reg Vauxhall Astra (a 20 year old car to you ‘mericans), no-one would steal this hunk of shit.

Anyway, back to our lovely new pal P.C. Dickhead. He proceeds to cuff the pair of us, ignoring all our arguments that it’s Steve’s car, and chucks us into the back of his panda car. Even after showing him proof of ownership of the vehicle he carried on with the “Right to remain silent” spiel and took us in.

We arrive at some police station somewhere in the vicinity of Chesterfield. At this point both myself and Steve are understandably extremely pissed off. We manage to keep it together, realising that rage will only make shit worse, and after a grueling hour long wait we finally get to speak to a human being instead of a giant douche. The guy literally cannot understand why we were even brought in. He checks the database and within seconds knows that Steve is the owner of his car and tells us we’re free to go.

But ooooohhhhh no it does not end here folks. We get no apology, no ride (the half an hour drive) back to the car, and the mysterious P.C. Dickhead has vanished from the face of the Earth. Long story short, we walk the hour and a half back to the cars, call RAC to come let us in his car and arrive home after what should have been a 2 hour round trip.

I literally cannot express how angry I feel at this point in time so ill let Jay from Kevin Smith’s Askewniverse do it for me.

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