Open Letter to the NFL

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Dear NFL Douchebags,

Do you hate fun?  No seriously, I think it’s a legitimate question.  Do you hate fun?  Does the NFL no longer stand for National Football League but for the No Fun League?  Because after this weekend’s stupid fining, I’m starting to believe it.

This past weekend Ronnie Brown, a running back for the Miami Dolphins, scored a 5 yard touchdown out of the new exciting formation, the Wildcat.  There was nothing wrong on the play itself but it was the coordinated dance afterward between Brown and two of his offensive linemen that drew your ire.  Today, Brown and his fellow dancers were fined $10,000 each for their dance on sunday.  Now in your world, where multi-million dollar contracts are common, $10,000 is a drop in the bucket.  But even Brown had learned his lesson.

“We were enjoying ourselves, having fun,” said Brown, according to the Sun-Sentinel. He added, however, that the fine was “too much … Enough to keep me from doing it again.” –

Here’s the video of that horrible dance.  You will want to fast forward to about 5:30 to see the actual dance and the reasoning behind the fine.

I’m sure that if other football fans were here, they would say the same thing.  I don’t mind you penalizing for threatening gestures or gang symbols and the like, but for harmless things like this, I think you are all fucking stupid. He’s not threatening the other team, he’s not making obscene gestures or anything like that.  He’s simply celebrating in the end zone with his teammates, the guys who sprang him for the score in the first place.

Mike Perreira, the head of NFL officiating stated in the video that,

“The choreographed two person ,or in this case, three person demonstration is something we took out of the game a few years ago and I think players have responded well.  Jumping into the stands, one person fine, like we talked about last week.”

C’mon Mike, are you serious?  I mean, you penalized T.O, a player for the Dallas Cowboys, for simply getting into a Usain Bolt stance like he’s about to run a 100 meter dash.  And what was your reasoning for that?  Because his hands touched the ground.  Fucking retarded.  Next will be they can’t spike the ball.

When you decided to take celebrations like that out of the game, you took some of the fun out of it too.  I hate it when something like this happens to a sport.  When a bunch of smelly, old men get together and decide that, “We need to be increase sportsmanship” usually means the game is about to become duller.  You know, sometimes it’s ok for them to taunt the other team.  Gets the juices flowing and makes for a more exciting game.

But I digress.  Let’s compare that celebration, that miniscule dance that you found so offensive, to one of my favorite types of celebrations in sports; the hockey goal.  Just watch this video and try to think about if football players did similar things when they scored.  Btw, the celebrations are at the end.

Yeah, it really doesn’t compare does it?  I’ve never heard of a hockey player being penalized for ‘excessive celebration’ and they do a whole hell of a lot more than football players.

So here’s a hint, you NFL tools, get your act together and make the game fun to watch again.  You wanna know why people watch College football?  It’s exciting and fun.  When someone scores we want to see them celebrate.  Nothing more deflating than to watch an 80 yard pass to a receiver that goes for a TD and the player calmly flip the ball to the official and walks to his sideline because he’s afraid of getting a penalty or being fined.

Oh and while you are at it, how about you make the game simple to officiate too.  I’ve seen more stupid penalties or bad calls or missed calls from the refs this year than I have ever seen before.  Either Mike’s slipping or the game’s rules are just too damn complicated to remember.


Football fans.

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