Alan Smithee

Nintentards Get Ready!

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Hey you corporate whores who have nothing better to do than throw money at a company who doesn’t deserve it, today your lords and masters over at Nintendo announced the release date of the brand-new-to-everyone-but-Japan DSi for the 5th of April (10th of April 2011 for the UK I’m guessing…).

[rant]So what does that mean to us here at MWN? Absolutely shit (they won’t be getting my 170 USD, daddy needs a new video card) except for the fact that Nintendo’s stock is about to jump up even more and we’ll be faced with the fact that they’re repeating the same horrible behavior that garners worldwide continuously invest into.

What do I mean?!? Let’s look at all of the company’s handhelds starting with their first commercially successful model, the Gameboy:

  • Gameboy – simple, it plays games
  • Gameboy Color – added colors to some games
  • Gameboy Advance – zomg better graphics, but you can still play gameboy games
  • Gameboy Advance SP – clamshell and finally backlit, still playing both types of games
  • Gameboy Micro – Advance games only, most peripherals don’t work but oooooo its kyoooot
  • Nintendo DS – you can touch the screen (that wasn’t a gimmick, noooooo), sorry no more BC with the original Gameboy, but we have Wi-Fi now!
  • Nintendo DS Lite – yeah that last version…not ergonomic and horrible backlight, let’s make it prettier and rectangular so the corners dig into people’s hands (we didn’t learn from the original NES controller at all!)
  • Nintendo DSi – no more GBA BC, this is for DS & DSi cards only! Oh, let’s add funtionality to a gaming system that you’d find on most cell phones these days and not one, but TWO cameras!

The sad thing is this, I know multiple people out there that have bought every single product that Nintendo has shoved into their faces and they do it smiling. These are the same people that are in even bigger denial about who has won the console gamers’ affection this generation (hint: not the Wii). I really don't want to know, its probably better not knowing, also MARCUS FENIX WOOOOOOO!

I am in no way a fanboy, but c’mon…Nintendo releasing YET another version of a piece of hardware is akin to making a Bill Clinton and Monica joke. It’s tired, it’s old, but yet they still will.

It just really depresses me that this coming out will signal yet another huge profit making year for the big N without them actually doing anything except letting every one of their customers line up to take the bite out of the shit-sammich that they’ll savor and ask for more.

Whatever Nintendo…you still have yet to apologize for the N64 you bastards.[/endrant]

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