Mortal Instruments : City of Bones – Is It Worth Your Babysitting Money?
Oh, those teenagers these days.
Jessica Postigo Paquette
BASED ON THE NOVEL BY
Bob Shaye, Michael Lynne, Martin Moszkowicz
Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Robert Sheehan, Kevin Zegers, Lena Headey, Kevin Durand, Aidan Turner, Jemima West, Godfrey Gao with CCH Pounder, with Jared Harris and Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Set in contemporary New York City, a seemingly ordinary teenager, Clary Fray (Lily Collins), discovers she is the descendant of a line of Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of young half-angel warriors locked in an ancient battle to protect our world from demons. After the disappearance of her mother (Lena Headey), Clary must join forces with a group of Shadowhunters, who introduce her to a dangerous alternate New York called Downworld, filled with demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves and other deadly creatures. Based on the worldwide best-selling book series
Mortal Instruments, this is yet another young adult series that’s really too young for adults, and too adult for youngs. Actual teens won’t give a damn about it, ’cause lets face it, they’re having actual fun unlike you. This movie is trash; I’m just going to put that out there right now. Pure garbage. And I’ll tell you why. A movie in which the whole crowd is laughing through all the dramatic scenes is not worth spending your money on. The acting was horrible, the score was arbitrary and sounded recycled, as did the script (I’m not going to go too far into that as Becky makes some great points about that below). Here’s my prediction for this movie: It will do well with girls aged 11-15. Come the start of school, every girl is going to have the stupid symbol (pictured to the right) drawn on every surface (especially their binders). Also, parents watch out ’cause this movie is going to install a couple crappy ideas into your kids’ heads: Dressing slutty gets you attention, poorly drawn neck tattoos are awesome and will clean your room for you (no that wasn’t a typo), it’s okay to string boys along, and it’s also ok to be shallow. The only way I would watch this movie again was if they brought back MST3K to do an episode for this pile.
Ok, so maybe I should have done a bit more research before going into this one because I had no idea it was a movie aimed at teens. You have your young good looking people running around fighting otherworldly bad guys, falling in love and still making it home for dinner. My main issue with The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, is that it couldn’t sit still long enough to have an even semi-decent story line; the plot was full of holes and open ended moments with action scenes resembling a back yard wrestling event. Parts of the score seemed pulled from Jurassic Park while the story seemed pieced together from movies such as Star Wars, Sleeping Beauty (or any other Disney princess movie), Twilight and Underworld. I’m pretty sure they went through the wardrobe into Narnia as well. In retrospect, I don’t really know what this movie is about, but still feel like I’ve seen it before. If I was 14 again, and still drooling over talentless boy bands, this movie would be right up my alley.
JASEN: 4 OUT OF 10
BECKY: 3.5 OUT OF 10
WITH AN OVERALL AVERAGE OF: DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY OR 3.75