Ryan Wilson

Man Meal: Crom’s Fury Dip

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Get out the antacid…you’re going to need it for this recipe.

Crom’s Fury Dip


2 bricks cream cheese
Ranch (or blue cheese) dressing
Frank’s Red Hot sauce
Shredded colby jack cheese
Real bacon bits
1 large can of chicken
2 jalapeños
1 habanero
Tortilla chips

How to make

Begin to preheat oven at 350 degrees and deep sauce pan at medium-low. Chop up both jalapeños into large rings and keep them by your side (you’re going to need them much later). Slice habanero in half and grab enough jalapeños slices to make a 50/50 blend.

Finely chop habanero/jalapeño mixture.

By now, the saucepan should be plenty hot enough. Begin melting both bricks of cream cheese with about 1/4 cup of hot sauce. Once the cream cheese has melted enough…

WHAM! Toss the pepper blend right in there and stir well. You want those pepper oils heating up and getting throughout the cream cheese. Once stirred sufficiently, it’s time to add the meats and ranch dressing

Use the entire can of chicken and a generous helping of that bacon. As for the ranch, keep that to about 1/4 cup for now. Stir the mixture well, ensuring heat and meat in every bite. Once this has taken place, now it’s time to sample the mixture and make it your own. Depending on the strength of your dressing (or your mettle), you may need to add more hot sauce at this point. Then, as soon as you’re satisfied…

It’s time to hear the lamentation of the cheeses. Sprinkle a small handful into the mixture and stir. The cheese is going to add a little more flavor, but will act more as a binding agent if you make the mixture a little too thin. That’s it! Time to make this look pretty.

Spoon the hellish mixture into a shallow baking dish or pie pan. Top with a generous layer of cheese, the rest of the jalapeño slices, and, why the hell not, more bacon. Toss into the oven until cheese has melted to perfection.

Now get out those tortilla chips and pray that you’ll survive the night.

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