Ryan Thomason

If This Is Really How The Munsters Remake Will Be, I’m Out Before it Begins

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My dad always had a love affair with old school comedy. I grew up watching Grape Ape, George of the Jungle, basically everything on Boomerang. Another show that I remember fondly, and him laughing his ass off to was The Munsters. So please don’t be upset when I take a “Don’t Screw With the Original” formula on this one.

When I first read about the reboot by Bryan Fuller (Pushing Daisies) I did one of those eyebrow lifts that come when something you have a fond memory of in the past is about to be thrust back into your current day life. My wife Loved Pushing Daisies, hell, it was a huge hit, incredibly ambitious and introduced the world to what an elegant and finely done show can do. It got canceled along with riff raff shows regardless. The Munsters was a product of it’s time, and like all things that are rebooted it has to be “modernized” (which means everything has to be darksexy with no normal looking people in sight, so instead of Herman Munster being the big, Frankenstein goofball with a tremendous passion for his family, we get this: Doesn’t much look like Fred Gwynne’s Frankenstein-looking fellow from the original. This Herman is more of a stud – albeit one with scars. He’s a skinny, but rather attractive man in his ’30s – though he’s stitched together from the body parts of other men and has a mechanical steampunk heart – one that is breaking down.

Modernization can suck it.

Oh wait, it gets better.

Lily goes from Bride of Frankenstein to: Think the mysterious Selina Kyle meets “Friday Night Lights” momma Tami Taylor. Perpetually beautiful. Pale. Sweet. Her crate begins as a pool of spiders before transforming into the tall, slender matriarch of the family. Like his father, Eddie’s mum ultimately teaches him the “difference between being a Munster and being a Monster”. She works at a pet store where she uses her magic to, for instance, trick the dogs into cleaning their own cages. Loves her family dearly, and doesn’t want Herman to find a new heart because his current one belonged to Eddie’s biological father. The only way I’d even give a crap about her being like Tami Taylor is if it was acted by Connie Britton, who you know, played Tami Taylor on Friday Night Lights.

The only one I kinda like the new twist on is Grandpa, who I really cared about on the original. Think ‘Grandpa’ from “The Lost Boys” mixed with Lestat. Scary son of a gun. A I said, he, and the rest of the clan, arrive by delivery truck. His crate topples over, a mass of rats spill out and join to form. An old-codger vampire that, for the past ten years, has been feeding on animals so young that Eddie doesn’t think anything’s ‘different’ about his family. This scary old fellow feeds on animals like Lions but, not surprisingly, is starting to hunger human blood. And with Eddie now “in the family way”, he feels okay about that. Grandpa knows he’s going to start eating humans again, suggesting he’s gobbled his way through a few in the past, and has enough love for Marilyn (who he saved from her mother, he says) to recommend she go to college on the other side of America. She’s safer there. Has quite a few special powers – like the ability to send new neighbour Tim into a deep sleep by simply waving his hand in front of him

Check out the rest of the supposed “inside scoop” here, if any of this is true, I doubt the show will last long.

Also, if they don’t bring back The Munsters AWESOME family car, at least to steal it from that douchebag Rob Zombie I might watch this show even with all this new BS in it.

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