Alan Smithee

The Greatest Game You’ll Never Play

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The LA Times, being one with the gaming community (and needing to publish a “Best Of…” list of some sort) just popped out this fucking thing. In the article, they decide to do the Lord’s Work™ and try to theorize the best video game in the world using their favorite things from games from recent[ish] times. Of course, this grand science is accompanied by a photo gallery that features screen shots of the games to which they refer.

Having been a scientist myself I decided to go through their gallery and comments to piece together their perfect game. If I am right (which I am unfortunately cursed to be the majority of the time), they want to make a portable, simple, original, war-time horror sandbox-button masher, with great cut scenes filled with wonder, multiplayer AND co-op, legos, puzzles, racing, with Smash Brothers controls.


Maybe I’m crazy, but it sure sounds like they want the following:


That’s right; God Hand PSP.

Go ahead and breathe that in. You taste it? That’s science.

And it just whipped your ass.

Anyway the LA Times article was an abomination and it kind of got my bile bubblin’. It’s obviously a poor attempt to scrounge together some random list of their “favorite game [mechanic]s,” which just seems lazy. Hell, I probably spent more time with the crappy photoshop above than they did with that entire abortion. 

Check it out if you want, but really if you are looking for the ultimate game in the world, obviously I’m the one to turn to.

Holler at yer boy.


Sores: The LA Times

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