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Once upon a time, people assumed video games could teach valuable lessons before “How to get your money back from that hooker” and “Breaking bricks gives you money”. Here are three such titles from the golden days of the SNES for the lazy parent in all of us.

Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus

As the name might imply, the game has to do with teaching how to deal with asthma. A meteor has hit and polluted the earth with the most diabolical thing imaginable… DUST! I have been unable to reach the end because of the surprising difficulty and mind-numbing gameplay in this platformer. The only enjoyment I drew was the schadenfreude of watching his vision, and the screen, fade to black as he comes into contact with smoke, dust, and the like.

Captain Novolin

Diabetes help in the form of a superhero who must avoid getting hit by junk food monsters like the “bouncing donut dog”. Not really a platformer since all you really do is time your walking forward to avoid the various obstacles to get to the aptly named, Blubberman. As to the secret identity of Captain Novolin…

Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon

As if smoking wasn’t bad enough for you with the myriad of fun chemicals added, the Blackburn Cigarette company in this game threw in a healthy helping of MICROBOTS to make sure the cigarettes did their job. Rex Ronan shrinks himself down and gets to work fighting the bots and cleaning everything up from cancerous tissue to the dreaded…GINGIVITIS.

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