Casting Call: Gears of War

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Hello all you movie whores out there. It’s your friend and fellow movie-connoisseur, BPG. As a lot of you know, I love my movies and I go to the theater just about every weekend to see the newest film. Well, one day me and some of my gamer friends were talking about how much Uwe Boll sucks at making game-to-movie adaptations and we got into the discussion about if we made game-to-film adaptations that didn’t suck.

So that of course got me thinking about exactly which game I would pick and which actors I would use. First I needed a film company so I created MWN Films. Then I needed a game. With the recent release of Gears of War 2 I decided that Gears 1 would be a good one to stat off with. So after a bottle of whiskey and lots of googling, I present to you my cast for the game-to-film adaptation, Gears of War.

I know there is a GoW film supposed to be released in the summer of 2010, but that isn’t stopping me. So just sit back, relax, and let your imagination flow and jump into the realm of “What If”.

Nick Chinlund as Marcus Fenix

Nick has been more of a TV actor than a true film actor. His best roles were as Toombs the bounty hunter in Chronicles of Riddick, ‘Slo’ in Tears of the Sun, Tim, a corrupt cop, from Training Day and Jacob McGivens in Legend of Zorro. I liked him in all those roles myself and thought he could pull off Marcus without too much trouble. Plus there really isn’t a lot of people that DO look like Marcus.

Zachary Quinto as Dominique Santiago

Mr. Quinto first popped onto the screen as the villain in the tv series Heroes where he played Silar, the power-obsessed maniac who ate people’s brains. Sounds like a good way to start off. Before that he was Adam Kauffman on 24. He is also playing Spock in the upcoming Star Trek movie, so there’s another plus for him in the geek world. He may not be as thick as Dom is in the game, but c’mon, how many actors you going to find that are worth a damn and that have tree trunk necks?

Lester Speight as Augustus “Cole Train” Cole

Who else could play Cole Train than the man who voiced the original character himself, Lester Speight also known as “Terry Tate: Office Linebacker”. He’ll make it work without a problem. Here’s a few videos for you showing Mr. Speight at his best.

Val Kilmer(Top Gun) as Daimon Baird

I had a hard time finding an actor that could fill Baird’s shoes adequately. I went back and forth on several and finally decided to cheat a little bit and go back in time to recruit Val Kilmer after he was in Top Gun when he was in shape and looked the part of Baird. Unfortunately Mr. Kilmer refused the part. Because he did refuse, I am now obligated to post these horrible pictures of him for all to see how he has let himself go to shit.

So we had to go with our second choice, and he is:

Mark Paul Gosselaar as Daimon Baird(alternate)

Yes, ol’ Zack Morris himself is making a comeback. He had a respectable role on NYPD Blue as Det. John Clark(as generic a name as you can find) and I’m hoping he can he can pull off the smartass character.. Plus since he has never really broken into film and only been a tv actor, he’ll be cheap which is a great thing for us. He’s currently pretending to be a lawyer on Raising the Bar on TNT.

Since Anya Stroud was not seen much in the game, I needed an actress that had a great voice more than anything. So Charlize Theron was my choice to be the sexy voice in side our soldiers’ heads. But don’t worry, I’ll get a good shot of her half-naked somehow. I mean, with a woman who looks like this:

you know it will happen.

Billy Zane as Lt. Kim

Lt. Kim was also a hard character to fill. I knew he was of Korean decent, but honestly, MWN Films is not an equal opportunity employer so we went with someone who just looked the most like him we could find, regardless of acting talent since, of course, Kim dies 20 minutes into the movie. Plus I’m sure you will all enjoy seeing him get shanked by General Raam. I know I will.

R. Lee Ermey as Colonol Hoffman

This is definitely my first choice. I loved R. Lee Ermey and thought he was hilarious in Full Metal Jacket. But if he isn’t available I have a back up plan. I’m glad the role won’t demand much physically from him, since he is pretty damn old.

Michael Ironside as Colonel Hoffman

I like Ironside, always have, always will. He pulls off the badass dude without any effort and I’ve never seen him in a movie where he wasn’t kicking ass and taking names. Again, most of the shots with Hoffman won’t require much physical ability, it’s more about the voice and the presence this man can bring.

Sala Baker as General Raam – Body

Dee Bradley Baker as General Raam – Voice

Dee Bradley Baker voiced Raam in the game so we decided to keep him as the voice of Raam in the movie. His body will be played by Sala Baker, better known as Sauron from Lord of the Rings. He’s a well-renowned stuntman so he should fit into the shoes of Raam very nicely.

Director – Neill Blomkamp

For those of you that don’t know, Neill was the director behind the Halo short films. I really liked the look of these films and decided to bring him on board for this project. I think given a chance with a real budget, he could make us feel like we are back in the game again, without using CGI all over the place.

Gears of War should feel gritty, realistic and violent….just like the game. Fans of the game should be assured, it will be gritty, realistic and violent with blood by the gallons and so much gore Eli Roth will puke.

So what do you guys think? Good choices? Bad choices? Got any other suggestions? Go ahead, let me have it.

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