British Newswhore — Google’s Looking to Get Into Valve’s (and my) Pants

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[UPDATE: The tabloid rags were wrong. A Valve representative has confirmed that there has been no talks of merger with Google]

Over the last 10 years Google has gone from a place to easily search for porn to a mighty juggernaut of the Internet who has been putting maps, the Earth, instant messaging, and even a browser down our pants. You’d think Google’s next affair would be putting out video games. Well, turns out they want to get into someone’s video game pants but it’s not ours.

Yesterday, when we learned that Google wants to have hot sex with Game Developers, rumours arose of Google taking an interest in getting hold of Valve. Valve, the same company who taught us that any problem can be solved with a crowbar and that we should let the Combine do whatever they want to us. Tits and more on Page 3/More Whore.

According to a site I’ve never heard of called “The Inquirer“, Well Placed Sources have told us that Google will be paying for full service from Valve literally ANY SECOND NOW. It would make sense since Steam is a high class call girl at the moment and I’m sure Google would love to get a piece of that fine gaming booty.  Seeing how their own call girl is still just an addiction riddled whore at the moment. On the other hand I’m sure Google would like to get more money by tempting the video gaming clientele.

This wouldn’t be the first time a buyout has taken or has almost taken place. After all, Activision and Blizzard are now whoring themselves off as a duo (2 whores for the price of 1) while EA was trying to get the services of Take-Two for a few months before they just gave up and buggered off to a brothel.

Rumours are obviously the devil’s work and both Google and Valve have denied these “100% rumours”.

My own personal opinion? Google doesn’t seem like an evil corporation looking to take over the world by indoctrination but I’ve been wrong before. Either way, Valve is going to continue giving us a very lovely experience; and Google, with your vast amount of money…you can go inside my/our pants anyday.

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