Alan Smithee

A Scared Canadian, MAN?

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Wait, weren't you the kid from the Sandlot?!?

Vlambo, our token Canadian and everyone’s favorite IRC punching bag has become a man. Well sortof, he finally got his wick wet and can now do the Captain Morgan’s stance without us questioning him (too much).

He came into the website’s chatroom earlier (yes chatroom, people still use those, all you have to do is click the button to the right of the screen that has that frog on it) to let us know of his recent triumph and the fact that the same girlfriend he has played a very mean prank on him today, one that makes me think about the times in my life that it happened to me.

She approached him and this is how we think the conversation went down:

[Vlambo] Hey, what’s up, I got this text message that we need to talk…

[Girlfriend] Yeah, we do need to have a chat, would you mind taking a seat?

[Vlambo] Is everything ok? Oh God, you’re not Chris Hansen are you?!?

[Girlfriend] Well there’s this little matter of someone not stopping by this month to visit me.

[Vlambo] What like Jesus or a Leprechaun, since its St. Patrick’s Day and all?

[Girlfriend] No, this visitor only comes to visit girls that have reached a certain age.

[Vlambo] Oh so like your gynecologist or your priest?

[Girlfriend] God-Damnit Vlambo, I’m talking about my period, menstruation, you know the crimson tide? The one thing that should not go away unless you want to cancel your future plans of watching hockey and having a good time. Yeah, that thing. It hasn’t showed up and I’m afraid…

[Vlambo] Baby, there’s nothing to be afraid of…I’m here, I’m ready to accept this responsibility. I’ll be here with you all of the way.

[Girlfriend] I’m not afraid of that you asshole, I’m afraid that if I have this baby, it’ll get all of your Ginger-kid recessive genes and end up stumbling along the igloo all winter long. I don’t want a retarded baby.

[Vlambo] Well then, guess I’ll go get the coat hanger…

[Girlfriend] Jesus Vlambo, I’m just fucking with you, I can’t believe you fell for it! I told you that this is why I prefer anal, I don’t mind having some butt babies or some back babies…next time we might not be so lucky. Now go make me a hot pocket. I’m hungry.

[Vlambo] Yes ma’am, as long as you’ll do that one thing for me later…

[Girlfriend] We’ll see…HOT POCKETS!!!

I may have taken some liberties with this story, but in my mind, that’s how it went…

Anyways, it was interesting enough to make me laugh a bit, especially how when he told his dad, he was as surprised as BigPopaGamer that he found a woman that would allow his Sandlot lookin’ self on top. We <3 you Vlambo, now the internet knows your dark secret. Now you're a man! MAN MANY MAN!

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