Car Talk: Hybrids Are the New Ugly Bunch

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I think it’s safe to say that everyone has been bowling once in their life. And I’m sure that everyone complained at least once about the crappy ass shoes that you were given to wear. Your either had mismatched laces, no laces, half a sole missing, or something growing inside. Oh, my personal favorite is that c-shaped Velcro piece. Seriously, we all walked or drove in under our own power but can we be trusted to tie our own shoes? Nope, we must be forced to use one giant strap to hold our paper thin stinking shoes on. And why hasn’t the design of bowling shows changed over the last 200 years. I realize I’m only 26 but I swear the shoe technology hasn’t changed since I was four. And a crappy, smelly, uncomfortable bowling shoe leads me perfectly to my next point of hybrid cars.

What I mean by this is, has anyone seen the current selection of hybrid cars on the market? They seriously have the same appeal as bowling shoes. Some are ludicrously expensive while others don’t give much savings and my god, most all of the semi-affordable ones are so ugly. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I think whole heartily that hybrid technology is the way of the future. It only seems logical that with all the technology infiltrating every aspect of our lives that they would eventually make it into our cars as well. But for god sakes could we please make them better looking. For me this is the perfect reason why they haven’t gone main stream. The general public and especially car guys and gals don’t want to be seen driving the bowling shoe. Let’s look at some of the generation 2 and future hybrid models for examples.

Obviously, everyone knows about the Toyota Prius and the Honda Insight, both of these cars are generation 2 models. And unfortunately both of them have the appeal of a leaking abscess while bleeding internally. Yes, they both average roughly fifty miles per gallon. They both have seating for five, and have the ability to get a family from A to B. But, and I will ask this again, must they look like this? Why can’t they just be a good looking car? I’m not asking for a 5 person vehicle that looks like a Ferrari. I just don’t understand why they have to look like the hunch back of Notre Dame on all fours upchucking because of an all night bender. They really are that horrible.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum Chevy have taken it upon themselves to give us a hybrid vehicle that no one possibly needs, Sport Utility Vehicles with hybrid technology. Some individuals have probably seen the Chevy Tahoe hybrid version. It’s usually the Tahoe painted in some bland unattractive color with a dozen or so stickers plastered all over the exterior denoting how special the vehicle is. Really, is this necessary, that many badges. Why not just spray paint on the side of your hybrid Tahoe, “I kind of care about the environment, but not really.” I mean if you compare the 2011 gas Tahoe to the 2011 hybrid version you get two miles per gallon better on the highway and five more around town for the hybrid. All this mileage savings from the hybrid for roughly $10,000 dollars more than its comparable gas brethren. I just don’t see what the point is. Don’t even get me started about the hybrids coming out of the luxury brands like Porsche, Lexus, Audi, and Mercedes Benz because if you have to ask, trust me you can’t afford them.

So, what does all this pissing and moaning come down to. Well, not a whole lot. I love cars. I love what they stand for. I love that even though they are a utilitarian tool they have the ability to make a grown man squeal like a pig at feeding time. But, I just wish all those car manufactures would listen to me and produce a great looking and affordable hybrid for the masses. If you do this I promise to get down off my soap box, and take my bowling shoes with me.

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