Alan Smithee

WPR’s Totally Absurd Predictions for 2012

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It’s easy to do a year-in-review post. Hell, every big blog out there has done one either today or yesterday (depending on your timezone), but it takes a site that wants to have a bit of fun with the media we love to make a predictions post. Here is what WPR thinks we’ll see this year…maybe.

Keep in mind that when we wrote this we were hoping to portray it as satire, but as Ryan and I collaborated on it, some of it started to actually seem feasible. Read and let us know if we’re off our rockers or if it MIGHT just happen.

NEWS ITEMS

  • Apple’s product line will falter and Microsoft Develops the new must have electronics device.
  • Star Wars MMO Overtakes Warcraft as industry top dog.
  • Nintendo Wii U is so amazingly awesome that Xbox and PlayStation are forced to exit the industry.
  • Classical Music makes a comeback, a new age of Composers rises.
  • Yanni decides to make a death metal album.
  • Chinese food is renamed American food.
  • Republicans and Democrats caught spooning in the Oval Office.
  • Everyone gets over the “geek” fad and car mechanics are the new cool thing, ushering in a new age of gearheads.
  • Reality TV shows cease to exist in 2012, then return in 2013 with herpes and infect the world with TV herpes, there is no stopping, mass deaths occur due to the outbreak.
  • A gigantic Earth-killer asteroid breaks up in the atmosphere…Aerosmith sings their song from that shitty Asteroid movie, leaving crowds of people in post Kim Jong Il death state of weeping.
  • Aliens make contact by starting their own tech blog.

HOLLYWOOD ANNOUNCES

  • Fat Albert 2
  • Ghost Dad 2
  • Leonard: Part 7
  • Apocalypse Now 2
  • Masters of the Universe 2
  • The Naked Gun 45.3
  • Pluto Nash 2
  • Kazaam 2
  • Shaq Fu the MOVIE
  • 2001: A Space Oddyssey (Extended mind rape edition)
  • Star Wars: A New Hope (now with blinking Jawas! IN 3D!)
  • The Matrix (Directed by Uwe Boll)
  • An American Tale (Live Action – featuring Justin Bieber as Feivel)
  • Short Circuit (This time with a more overtly racist use of an Indian guy by another not Indian guy)
  • Predator (With “sexy” instead of brawn this time around)
  • Willow (Without little people)

You’d better believe we’ll be there on Jan 1st 2013 saying we told you so if we happen to be right about any of these. Just remember, you heard it here first!

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