Alan Smithee

Why Do People Use These?

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There’s something I’ve noticed at my work, and I try not to but I can’t help it at times. Whenever I use the public toilets here in the building I just sit on the seat, maybe do a little wiping of any particulates that might have accumulated on it, but I never use one of those fucking retarded paper ass-gaskets.

I swear, when I hear someone get into the stall right next to mine (another one of my toilet irritants) and I hear the unmistakable noise of them preparing one of these 2 micron thick protectors for their “delicate” asses…I nearly lose my composure and commit a Larry Craig-esque (senator from Idaho who got in trouble for soliciting sex in an airport bathroom) foot tap to make them so uncomfortable they’d want to leave.

I really don’t understand the compulsion on cleanliness that some people seem to suffer from. Feces and urine aren’t that bad that you need to worry to the point where you put a sheet of tissue over your butt…just sit your ass down and poop for Crom’s sake! Paper doesn’t protect you from anything you fools! QUIT IT!

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