Ryan Wilson

What to Do With Your Tuesday (Instead of Play Mass Effect 3)

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The end of a era. No bigger cliché words have been said to describe Mass Effect 3, the final game of Bioware’s space saga. But do you really have to play it today?

Sure, you’ve been holding onto that Mass Effect 1 save for what seems like forever and you’ve been practicing your “flu voice” for months now, but do you really need to be among the first to play through Shepard’s swan song? Here are some alternative ways to spend your Tuesday outside of the Citadel:


Work/Go to Class

Come on people, it’s Tuesday. Shouldn’t you be out making money or at least pretending to care about your classwork? Sure, the fact that you’re planning to take a day off in the middle of the week sounds a lot more believable than trying to pull the old “three day weekend diarrhea”, but a mid-week break is going come back to bite you tomorrow. The fate of the universe can wait, but Calculus II waits for no man!

Play Mass Effect 1 & 2 again

Perhaps your “end-game syndrome” is flaring up. Why try and risk adding Mass Effect 3 to your growing list of games you never finished? Remember, the fate of Mass Effect 3 depends on your choices in the first two games. This time, make sure Ashley and Wrex make it through alive. Think about it. Do you really want to trust your life in the hands of Kaidan?

Go through your gaming back library

Gaming is an expensive hobby for the day 1 gamer. I’m sure if you look through your collection of games, you will find a handful of titles you just had to have right away just sitting there partially completed. Maybe the game was ultimately not what you expected. Maybe you got frustrated over a partially brutal boss or puzzle. Most likely, you just got bored and moved on to the next day 1 purchase. Show your library the respect it deserves; finish your damn games!

Would you spend $60 on a fancy dinner and not finish it? I didn’t think so.

Play “I Am Alive”

Other games besides Mass Effect 3 came out today, you know? 15 bucks (or 1200 Microsoft Points) can net you a kick-ass looking post-apocalyptic game. While it might not have the smoothest of development times, this Xbox Live Arcade (and PlayStation Network soon after) title aims to be unsettling, animalistic, and, best of all, unforgiving. A true survival horror title in an age bent on confusing survival horror with action games.

Finish your March Madness bracket

Back and forth and back and forth with a rubber ball. Sometimes it goes in a hoop from a distance, sometimes it’s rudely slammed in there. Occasionally, somebody slaps a ball and they are sent to time out while the other person stands there and plays HORSE with himself a few times. Sounds like the perfect thing to make a chart about and throw money at, right?

Hello?

Shamrock Shakes

Shamrock Shakes are like the friend you never had. Let its cool minty taste whisk away all of your troubles. They’ll stick by you through thick and thin, never criticizing your extra weight gain (which at 416 calories per small shake is likely the cause). You wouldn’t turn your back on a friend, would you?

Watch the first season of “Game of Thrones”

Now’s the perfect time to watch the show you’ve been too cheap to watch on television. You’ve plugged your ears as friends rambled on and on about how awesome the show is. You’ve seen it win countless awards, including a Golden Globe AND an Emmy for Best Supporting Actor. Now, on March 6, you can pick up the home release of Game of Thrones.

That is, unless you’re too cheap to buy the DVDs/Blu-rays.

Build a snowman

Winter might have reared its ugly head late this season, but it’s never too late to build a good old American snowman! Whether it’s three-balled (*snicker*) and sophisticated in its top hat and scarf, or a pile of soupy and dirty snow with a wig on it, snowmen can provide hours of fun at no cost. Just be sure not to grow too attached!

Protip: Pour your Shamrock Shake over your finished snowman to relive those wonderful “super-sized” days.

Shake an angry fist in the direction of EA

Peeved that Mass Effect 3 is only available through Origin, and not your ever-growing Steam library? Bring out your inner curmudgeon with a hearty fist shaking in the direction of your least favorite EA studio. Let all your rage towards the company seep into your hands and ball them into a fist, spin around violently and start shaking like you’re in a Latin band and you’ve got maracas for hands.

Trust me, you’ll look less ridiculous doing this than you will bitching about it on the Internet.

Play Mass Effect 3

…shit

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