Alan Smithee

Valve, Quit Teasin’ Us Already

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you've got to remember, valve is one sneaky ass company.

Much of the internet is abuzz this morning with the news of Valve, err I mean Aperture Science cancelling their event at E3 this month in lieu of there being a surprise planned during the company’s keynote. Your guess is as good as mine as to what the cryptic email we received yesterday could be pointing to, anyone want to step up and decode this for us?

Here is what they sent us under the subject of “A note from Aperture Science”:

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for <>

PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

Personally I’d like to think that Valve must finally be ready to show us Half-Life 2: Episode 3 after so many moons of making us wait. It could be that…but I’m leaning a bit closer to it being Left 4 Dead 3 and I’ll laugh and dance a jig if either happens.

Only 12 more days until we find out!

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