The Streaming Horror! (Week 4) Double Feature Edition!
Your weekly fix for horror fans, whether you’re a noob, or a master of horror.
All these movies can be found on Netflix Instant Watch, and all are worth watching no matter your experience level.
So here are my recommendations!
Noob: So you’re new to the horror genre. Maybe you’re just curious. Either way, you haven’t seen many horror movies and you want to build up your list. Here’s a must see
Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1994)
Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996)
I’m going to give these movies the same rating but for different reasons and I must say, these movies have a high re-watchabilty. They might not be high class cinema, or have a deep meaning to them, they are just entertaining schlock you can watch with friends or by yourself.
Demon Knight is a more of a classic style horror based on the idea that a demon is on a quest to pretty much bring upon the apocalypse. I like this movie because it’s grim, dark, and scary. It’s quite the contradiction to Bordello of Blood. Billy Zane, who plays the demon in this does a kick-ass job. Also worth noting is Jada Pinkett Smith as the protagonist. I have fond memories (kinda) of this flick as I saw it in theaters on my first ever date.
Starring Billy Zane, William Sadler, John Kassir, Jada Pinkett Smith, Brenda Bakke, C.C.H. Pounder, Dick Miller, Thomas Haden Church, John Schuck, Charles Fleischer.
Bordello of Blood is a cheeky vampire tale about a brothel filled with sexy vampires who feed on the immoral men who visit it. I like this movie because it’s funny, gory, and has some pretty hot babes in it. I have fond memories of this movie as well since I got to see it in theaters as a kid. Seeing rated R movies when I was young was a rare treat indeed.
Starring: John Kassir, Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Aubrey Morris, Phil Fondacaro, William Sadler
Demon Knight 6.5 out of 10
Bordello of Blood 6.5 out of 10
Intermediate: So you’ve seen a fair amount of horror. In fact, you are the horror guy among your group of friends. Well here are some picks for you.
Dead Girl (2008)
Night of the Comet (1984)
Again, I gave these two vastly different movies the same rating. One’s new, the other is old. One is dark, the other is witty. Both are good!
Dead Girl is a well directed, well put together B-Movie masterpiece. Directors Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel did a great job of creating an unsettling tone and pace. This movie is about a zombie woman who’s found chained to a table in the basement of a long abandoned asylum by two teenage boys. This movie isn’t scary because of the zombie woman. It’s scary because of the sociopathic teen who turns the chained zombie into his sex toy. Sounds gross I know, but this movie is good.
Starring: Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Segan, Michael Bowen, Candice Accola, Andrew DiPalma, Eric Podnar, Nolan Gerard Funk
Night of the Comet hits on a real (but very irrational) fear of mine; sudden mass extinction. This movie is both fun, and funny. Two valley girls (mall brats circa the 80’s) are among a handful of survivors after Haley’s Comet turns everyone to dust. There must of been a fair amount of paranoia about Hailey’s Comet in the 80’s because this isn’t the only comet horror movie from the decade (see Maximum Overdrive (1985) and Life force (1986)). Again with this movie, the scary isn’t the obvious killer comet, but the reality of human natures dark side. When no one is there to enforce morality, with some people morality ceases to exist!
Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney, Sharon Farrell, Robert Beltran, Mary Woronov, Geoffrey Lewis, Peter Fox, John Achorn, Michael Bowen
Dead Girl 6.5 out of 10
Night of the Comet 6.5 out of 10
Master: You’ve seen every horror movie worth a damn. You’re the guy your friends call around Halloween when they need the scariest horror movie ever made. You help them out even though they wind up with a copy of Paranormal Activity 3 and your undying hatred. Obviously you don’t need my recommendations ’cause you’ve seen it all, but here it is anyway on the chance one fell through the cracks!
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
The Stuff (1985)
Same ratings again for two very different movies. Have noticed a theme here yet? Again we have a grim movie going against a fun movie.
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is a loose adaption of the life of famed serial killer Henry Lee Lucas. This movie was very popular in the independent scene when it first came out because of director John McNaughton’s unflinching look through the eyes of a serial killer which is something that had never really been done before. It’s definitely a good watch, but can be quite unsettling.
Starring: Michael Rooker, Tracy Arnold, Tom Towles, David Katz
Would you eat a white goo that that came out of a mysterious hole in the ground if it was not only one of the most delicious things you ever tasted, but also fat and calorie free?
The Stuff is a cult classic that just isn’t talked much about anymore but is still parodied to this day. Two of the most well known are “Fry and the Slurm Factory” and “The Problem with Poplers” episodes of Futurama. This movie was set to play upon people’s fears of modified food for dietary purposes, and was also a social commentary on the diet fads and immoral marketing of the 80’s. This movie is fun, and just as relevant today as it was then (although the styles are outdated.)
- Starring: Michael Moriarty, Andrea Marcovicci, Garrett Morris, Paul Sorvino, Scott Bloom, Danny Aiello, Patrick O’Neal, James Dixon, Alexander Scourby, Russell Nype
Henry 7 out of 10
The Stuff 7 out of 10
So there are my recommendations for you. Next week I’ll have three more. Enjoy these movies while you can, ’cause these often don’t stay streaming forever!