James Helsby

The Little Red Envelope

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In my mailbox this week: Crank 2: High Voltage

Release Year: 2009
Staring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart

Ahh, the fun and joy that is a man-movie. If ever there was a man-movie, this is the very definition of the concept. A movie with such a thinly veiled plot line, that even the most barbaric of Neanderthals could follow it. Long gone is pointed dialog; presented in this gem of masculinity is a non-stop action film that is more reminiscent of Grand Theft Auto than of any movie.

Despite this, it is actually a pretty fun movie to watch. My wife hated it, and even left the room during one particularly arousing nude gun fight, transpiring at a local strip club which culminated in leaky silicone implants. I actually found more to laugh at with this film than many of the recent comedies I have seen.

The movie does not take itself seriously. Far from it. It is so high-adventure (note: crank…) action packed, gun firing, car chasing, extreme running filled, that the 2 hours pass by pretty quickly. This is definitely not a movie for kids.

Two things really stick out in my mind, in review. 1) Elbow Sushi. 2) There can be too much pointless nudity. I know, I know. Far be it for me to discount the importance of seeing the occasional nipple or even *sigh* bush shot in a movie. Many times us men (big generalization here, folks) find that a fleeting nipple shot, and the slow motion button can make a movie worth while. But when there are naked cans every 2 seconds, in an action flick, it sort of looses the importance of nudity within the context of the show. It just reinforces the fact that this movie isn’t something you wife will enjoy.

Crank 2: High Voltage picks up right where the previous Crank movie left off. So if you skipped that one, sit down and watch it first. It might help. And if you are in the mood for a brainless (this isn’t a negative) action movie, Crank 2 is a great choice. It can make you laugh, sneer, and cringe, all within a few minutes of each other.

How much alcohol did it take: zero, forced sobriety
Rating: 6/10. I enjoyed it. Might not watch it again for a while, but it was still fun.

The Wifes Retort: Not available at the moment. She is still upset at me for picking this ‘turd.’

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