The Difference Between Mangoes and Peanut Butter M & Ms

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You know how lots of people believe that every person has a soul mate and that they can compliment each other perfectly? Well, I think every movie has a food that compliments it perfectly. Let me demonstrate.  I just watched New Moon, and I have decided that The Twilight books and movies would be perfect with peanut butter M & Ms.

You are at a party and you see multiple snacks on the table. You see the peanut butter M & Ms and decide to eat them instead of the veggies on the veggie tray. As you pop one after the other into your mouth, you reason that they have peanut butter in them, which makes them slightly healthy, because peanuts are nuts, and nuts are healthy. Deep down, you know that the peanuts in the Peanut Butter M & Ms are probably no longer peanuts, but something formulaically processed into something that wouldn’t have been considered food  a hundred years ago. Your conscious mind ignores that and you press forward in a massive state of self-deception. After you have eaten 10 or 15 Peanut Butter M & Ms, you realize that they don’t really taste that good, and you ask yourself why you started eating them in the first place.

Likewise, when I watched New Moon, I realized that, aside from it’s spectacular cinematography, the film is complete crap, and that there is no benefit to watching it. I really tried to like it, because I don’t want to be a film snob. I convinced myself that it was a story about love, and that love is neat-o. But then, I realized that it really wasn’t about love at all. It was formulaically presented to LOOK like love, (the frequent, intense glances of longing; the “sacrifices” they made for each other…) but was really just obsessive infatuation. Not only did the film portray an unhealthy, sadist relationship (Bella would try to hurt herself to get Edward back or to get Jacob’s attention), but it disempowers women and girls every where by re-establishing the false notion that women are nothing without men. Case in point:

“Dear Alice, I hate life and want to kill myself now that Edward is gone.”

“Dear Alice,  life is OK now that Jacob is in my life.”

“Dear Alice, I hate life and want to kill myself now that Jacob and Edward are gone.”

Good grief, Bella! Take a pottery class or something! Stop pining away and start doing stuff, and I don’t mean fixing a motorcycle to re-establish your co-dependancy on another hazardous dude. On top of everything else, the movie is extremely slow-moving and gets rather tedious after a while.

So, like Peanut Butter M & Ms, the Twilight stuff seems enjoyable and slightly beneficial at first glance, but rapidly becomes a waste of time. That is why I will be steering clear of movies like New Moon and will be frequently reviewing Bollywood films, which are movies that are more like mangoes: seemingly overly-syrupy candy but really beneficial and substantive.

And, let me conclude with a plea to Stephanie Meyer:
Oh Stephanie, strengthen your Bella,

She can’t live without a dangerous fella.

Getting beat up and hurt,

Is a strange way to flirt,

Non-Sadists find this living Hell-a.

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