Ryan Thomason

The Adventures of Eric and Goosh: You’re Missing The Point of Hard Sci-Fi

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These will be my silly attempt to write really short comedic stories because I’m much better with my words than actual drawing skills. These first batch of comics are actually ones that have been written a couple of years ago that I’m bringing back to test how people like them. So please, give me your opinions! Also, If you can DRAW, I’m always looking for someone to at least do a character sketch to accompany these posts.

Eric and Goosh are traveling in a space ship of simple design, in route to a planetary system of unknown origin; their ship is on auto pilot and cruising along at near light speed. The duo are in separate pods that are attached to the wall next to the bridge, a frost crusts itself on the inside of their pods. Between them a large red siren is going off, the red light flickering over their pods. Goosh, who had been frozen with his mouth hanging open in mid scream was the first to start to un-thaw. Eric, who had been frozen giving Goosh a death stare for his antics blinked as his body regained movement. When the de-frosting was complete, both of their pods hissed open, and the two stepped out.

Goosh dances as he holds his hands over his crotch, “I have to fucking pee.”

“No, you don’t, the Alarms are going off that means something is wrong, moron.” Eric hissed as he walked to the controls. Tapping buttons, his brow furrows down as he concentrates. His concentration is broken when he hears a trickling sound.

“What the FUCK dude?” Eric shouts as he spots that Goosh is taking a whiz into Eric’s Pod.

“You’re not using it!” Goosh shouted, one hand on his hip, the other aimed as he sprayed the inside of Eric’s pod.

Eric pounded on the armrest of his chair, a large black thing, it was cracking from age and disrepair. “I will once I get this problem figured out asshole.”

“Make the droids fix it, beep beep bewoop!” Goosh explained, as he zipped up his space suit.

Eric only stared coldly. “This is Hard Sci-Fi, there are no droids.”

“Wait, what? This is a boner universe?” Goosh squirreled up his face in confusion.

Eric held his hand to his face and sighed deeply. “No, Hard Sci-Fi is sticking to what is scientifically reasonable for the determined timeline. Your droids would be in Soft Sci-Fi, or moron Sci Fi.”

“Hard Sci-fi equals boners, Soft Sci-Fi equals ugly chicks. Got it.” Goosh nodded.

“No, Hard Sci-fi is…you know what never mind, whatever, stick to your idiocy.” Eric cursed as he then turned back to his console, and then grinned slyly as he found the problem. It was in the fuel systems, but easily corrected by someone as determined and knowledgeable as him. He spun around, ready to announce they go back into the Pods, there were 193 more days in this trip after all.

Goosh was playing with a light saber cutting and chopping at imaginary foes.

“WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?” Eric shouted.

“Hard Sci-fi, this is the ultimate boner weapon, cuts through everything! Watch!” Goosh swung at the chair next to Eric and sliced the top off.

“There are no light sabers in Hard Sci-fi! We live in a universe dedicated to the laws of physics and SCIENCE!” Eric shouted, the veins throbbing in his throat.

“Boner Fi!” Goosh exclaimed as he tried to skewer the chair again, but missed and took a large swipe into the console, sending sparks and fire all over it in the process.

Eric could only stare coldy and retrieving his gun from a side holster pointing it at Goosh, “You’re dead, you’ve killed us both.” He started to cackle as he pulled the trigger, but then the gun didn’t fire, the metal had warped during the freezing process, which was why their suits were made of all organic material for being frozen in the pods.

“Dude, you gun sucks, Boner Sci-fi wins in the end.” Goosh hip thrusted as he spoke to compliment the word boner, “Maybe a droid can fix it, where are they again?”

“Fuck you.” Was all Eric could say before the ship exploded.

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