Alan Smithee

Super Mario World Made Me Retarded

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I didn't ever get box art for my SMW...cause it came in the damned box that my SNES came in

Let me get this out there right now. There is in my mind, no better example of a platforming game and no “Mario” game that comes as close to perfection than Super Mario World for the Super Nintendo. I love this game like no other, and I’m sure that there are thousands if not millions of gamers out there who would agree with me. However there is something serious that occurs when I play it that makes me despise myself entirely.

My problem is that I become a Super Mario World savant because of the OCD that this game brings out of my personality. I can’t simply finish a red-dotted level and leave it be…I MUST finish them any and every way possible before I can move onto the next level.

This behavior isn’t merely limited to the fact that I can’t leave a stage without being satisfied that I’ve finished it properly. It extends to the my atrocious behavior of having to travel back across the whole fucking map of Super Mario World, just so I can visit the “Top Secret Area”…I even do this in co-op play, much to the chagrin of anyone I’ve duped into playing with me.

There's nothing worse than getting a fireflower, and ANOTHER fireflower. It's all about the capes.

I’m not kidding…I’ve found myself sometimes travelling from places as far as The Valley of Bowser all the way back to Donut Plains to get Yoshi and some powerups. It’s hardcore…and it’s completely retarded. In fact, this may have been before I started exhibiting the other OCD tick I have about finishing levels that I mentioned earlier.

Upon realization that the red-dotted levels had secret exits (which in some areas, was pretty damn easy to figure out) and that it meant that there was more than one path that would be cleared once you finished them…the game got busted wide open. Suddenly I found myself in Star World and Special World, which in my tiny, tiny world…I knew that I was seeing areas that few of my friends had ever seen.

Special as in you have to be a savant to figure a few of these levels out...

I would love it if I could have a playthrough that would emulate that of a normal ‘happy-go-lucky’ person does, trouncing through Dinosaur Land with no cares at all. Nope, can’t ever happen. I am always compelled to play the game with machine precision, otherwise it just doesn’t feel right to me.

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