Alan Smithee

Strange Brews: Happy Cola

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Happy COLA!

Starting every Friday on the MediaWhoreNetwork, we writers and editors are going to be bringing you a new drink recipe for you to try out. We can’t guarantee that we invented all of these ourselves, but we can guarantee you that we make and try each recipe before deciding to post them.

Sure we may be promoting an unhealthy lifestyle and causing irreparable kidney and liver damage, but damn it drinking copious amounts of alcohol is one of the freedoms that we Americans can still indulge in without worrying about what other people think. So without any further ado, let’s cut the bullshit and get to some drinkin’!

Today’s recipe is an actual drink that I invented and from what I’ve heard from some of my UK friends, is insanely popular in a couple of pubs these days. The invention of The Happy Cola was one of necessity and urgency. Like a dog that had to choose between two bones, there I sat with a shot of Jaegermeister in one hand and a Smirnoff Ice in the other.

Me not being exactly sure which drink to have first, I decided to ditch the double-fisting image in favor of only having to carry around one beverage container during the evening’s festivities by pouring my freezing cold shot glass of Jaegermeister into my barely drunk Smirnoff Ice.

When the two flavors mixed you get an amazingly delicious beverage that tastes nothing like either one ingredient individually. What you get is a concoction that tastes exactly like a Haribo Gummy Cola in liquid form.

I couldn’t believe it, one of my favorite candies is now in a beverage form! The greatest bit is that the usually tame Smirnoffs are made much more potent with the Jaeger mixed in, but doesn’t have the alcohol-y taste that so many people bitch about. This makes a great drink to rid your girlfriend/wife of her inhibitions because she won’t notice the inebriation creeping up on her until its too late.

The recipe is as follows:

  • 1 Bottle of Smirnoff Ice (normal flavor)
  • 2-3 Ounces of Jaegermeister Herbal Liqueur

  • Take the Smirnoff Ice, open it and have a good sized sip. Then simply pour the Jaegermeister into the bottle and give it a tiny shake to mix. I hope you gentlemen enjoy, and good luck on putting ‘it’ in her butt. Drink responsibly!

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