New Year’s Resolutions From A Media Whore

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Do you know what I hate? New Year’s Resolutions. Well, I don’t hate resolutions in and of themselves, they’re actually a noble thing. But at the beginning of every year everyone makes completely pretentious and unoriginal resolutions that they will never follow through with beyond a week, maybe a month if they’re especially strong-willed. I mean Christ, if everyone followed through with their resolutions that they made in the first place then there would be no need for resolutions every consequent year, because they’d have already be how they wanted to be. But I digress. Every website out there is going to have their own smug little New Year’s Resolutions that they think are so witty, and instead of being apathetic and sitting by  doing nothing, I decided I should make my own New Year’s Resolutions, a real man’s resolution, a media whore’s resolutions. There are 6 of them, not 10, because everyone makes 10, which means I would be a poser if I made 10, and if there is one thing I am not friends, it is a poser. Enjoy.

1. I resolve to get unapologetically drunk at least one night a week.
2. I resolve to have a cigarette whenever I’m feeling stressed out.
3. I resolve to waste away hours of my day playing video games.
4. I resolve to go see good movies the weekend they are released in the theater, then give my friends a hard time if they haven’t been as punctual in seeing them as I have.
5. I resolve to not go to bed until the wee hours of the night and sleep as long as I possibly can.
6. I resolve to do as I please.

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