MWN Reviews: NHS National Swine Flu Leaflet
Since we are clearly very intelligent individuals here, when we were made aware of the Swine Flu epidemic that was a deadly threat to whole of mankind, we were very worried about how the world would deal with it and more importantly how scaremongering the media could be. So when this NHS Swine Flu leaflet was sent through our letterbox, as it has through every letterbox in Britain, I knew I had to review this as it could hold vital information for us intelligent people who will be the only ones left once Swine Flu leads to the inevitable zombie apocalypse. So hit the jump for an analysis of each page and whether this is as useful as what we’ve learnt from great informing films like Shaun Of The Dead.
Page 1: This tell gives us useful contact details should we need to learn more about Swine Flu. We have a phone-line for the latest information, which I assume is for silly people who don’t use the Internet or watch the news. It then gives us a clusterfuck of NHS and government websites on the virus before telling us to visit the Foreign Office website or to ring their phone number if we plan on going abroad. Of course, all flights will be grounded by the time the zombie apocalypse hits anyway. And all of the phone lines and websites will be useless since there will be no one left to man them.
Page 2: This gives us a summary of what is in the leaflet. All of it is basic knowledge apart from what we can do once Swine Flu kickstarts the zombie apocalypse and what we should do if we think we’re becoming a zombie. Then at the end, we are shown that the writer of the leaflet knows the apocalypse is about to hit since he tells us to keep this information safe.
Page 3: Well no tits is the first sign. Apart from that it tells us what Swine Flu is, what a pandemic flu is and basically that no one has immunity and that any one can catch swine flu. So basically it tells us that WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
Page 4: This tells us how the zombie apocalypse will start, by the virus being spread. It tells just exactly how you can infect your fellow humans, which to be honest isn’t really a good thing, since this will cause zombie fanboys and girls to start doing this on purpose. It also tells us what surfaces hold the viruses usually, such as door handles, phones, remote controls and keyboards (FUCK). So this page is a double edged sword. It tells us normal people how to avoid spreading the disease but also tells psychopaths how to spread it.#
Page 5/6: This basically tells us how my government has prepared for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. They come off as cocky though, thinking that they can stop it, since we have more treatments than ever. But what if the government is being funded by Umbrella? (CONSPIRACY). This is made more obvious by the mentioning of Tamiflu and Relenza, which are obviously codenames for the T and G virus. This carries over to the next page, where it tells you just how the T or G virus will mutate with the Swine Flu virus. Finally it tells us how there is no vaccine for the virus right now and how everyone is going to die. Except for Jill Valentine of course. Hogging the T-Virus vaccine when she should be making us Jill sandwiches.
Page 7: Useless info on this page really. It’s telling us how we can protect ourselves and others but we all know that we can’t stop it. Whether it’s particles, blood drops or zombie bites, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE. It also asks us to remember this phrase, CATCH IT, BIN IT, KILL IT. But what if you don’t what to catch a zombie, throw it in the bin and then kill it? A sawn off shotgun is a much simpler option.
Page 8: Not much here. First off it reminds us that a face mask is pointless since it won’t stop flu particles or a zombie bite. There’s also the humourous idea of setting up a network of flu friends who you could infect if you get ill.
Page 9: Well first we have a useless section about how we can keep up with information about the zombie apocalypse. Of course we all know that every news channel, phone number or website will be down. Next it tells us that we should stay at home and contact our GP if we’ve just come home from Mexico, Raccoon City, Kijuju etc and we think we have Swine Flu. Finally it gives us the symptoms of the virus. It tells us about fever, coughing and shortness of breath but doesn’t tell us about people dying and then coming back from the dead. Not very useful information when trying to survive.
Back Page: Gives us an order form for more leaflets. I suppose we could always order more and stick so many together that they become a deadly weapon.
Conclusion: This leaflet tells us what we already know. It’s certainly not useful for surviving the zombie apocalypse anyway. I’d say go read The Zombie Survival Guide or watch a zombie film instead.