Mayo: It’s what’s for dinner…..everyday!

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So king forwarded me this email that I found two parts hilarious and ten parts disgusting. It’s about an experience with a fat person(and I mean FAT!!!) and the reason why mayo just became near the bottom of condiments I like.

Basically I was in the dirtiest, nastiest Wal-mart I’ve ever been in. Hooray for Nampa, Idaho. It was about 1:30 am, and I was with my roommate (I was in college at the time) buying Ramen and Otter Pops, our 2 favorite foods. As I was standing in the middle of an aisle, browsing the different Ramen flavors, I began to smell something. Something so foul, so horrifying, that I began to gag. Never in my life have I smelled anything so rank and disgusting. I’ve been to the dump, I’ve done work on a busted septic tank, but nothing compares to this horrific stench.

At the same time, I hear the sounds of a scooter crying out in pain, as if it’s rider is too big for the SCOOTER DESIGNED FOR HAMBEASTS. I turn in horror, keeping my hand over my mouth, to see this enormous woman turning her hambeast scooter down the aisle and coming straight at me. She was using one hand (and I use the word “hand” lightly, more like a blob with 5 nubs on it) to drive the scooter, and I SHIT YOU NOT using the other hand to scoop mayo from a “family size” jar that was balanced on a fat roll into her mouth. So not only is she sitting there, grunting as a constant steam of mayo goes into the gaping maw of horror, but there’s mayo EVERWHERE.

At this point, I was frozen in complete shock. My brain was screaming at me: “RUN!!!”, but I was completely frozen in fear. She drives right by me, and at the exact second she passed me I hear this wet, squishy fart noise shake all of Wal-mart. And oh, the smell. I swear on all that is holy I dropped to a knee and almost vomited. I hear the monstrosity mutter “shit”, then turn and drive towards the bathrooms.

And that, my friends, is why I will never eat mayo again. – King3vbo

Now that my friends is disgusting. *Shudders*. Remind me never to read emails from king again. If it’s not some dude showing off his wang, it’s this crap.

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