James Helsby

LRE #39: Treasure Planet

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Little Red Envelope

In my mailbox this week:
Treasure Planet

Release Year: 2002

Staring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Brian Murray, David Hyde Pierce,

FURRIES!! FURRIES!!! AHHHHH.

Treasure Planet, released by Walt Disney Pictures in 2002 is probably most known for being the ‘unknown’ Disney movie. It was

released right between  6 months after Lilo & Stitch, and 6 months before Brother Bear, during what can only be considered a dark time at Disney.

Disney Animations were the greatest of all animated films, right up until 1995 when Pixar (under Disney) released Toy Story. At that point, Disney’s feature animations became secondary to the mega-blockbusters that Pixar was able to release.

Prior to 1995, Disney had released all of the classics, right the way up to the questionably passable Pocahontas. But from then on, the spiral was all down hill. Hercules (decent), Mulan (ehh.), Tarzan (crap), Dinosaur (crap), The Emperors New Groove (ehh.), Atlantis (ehh.), Lilo & Stitch (blah.), Treasure Planet (review below), Brother Bear (horrible), Home on the Range (atrocious), Chicken Little (horrible), Meet the Robinsons (decent), Bolt (bad), Princess and the Frog (meh.), Tangled (I hear is passable)

So where do we stand with Treasure Planet. Well, to cut to the chase… It was bad. I mean, I am ok with glazing over some phsyics for the sake of a movie… But really, what is the point of an open deck sail boat in space? Even kids are smart enough to know that there isn’t any air in space. So why do it? No reason at all. That was the primary problem I had with this film, is that so many things were put in place for no reason at all.

Furries. As in anthropomorphic animal people. Sexy cat captains. Strange dog people. It’s enough for the weirdo’s out there to get a kick out of it, but personally (and humorously) I didn’t like it. Why have half a universe of animal creatures and the other half of human. Plus, what the hell is a ‘Flatulmian’, who communicates exclusively through passing gas through his numerous orifices. I don’t know, no reason.

Why the hell did they have the side story of Jim Hawking (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) pursuing his father or memories of his father? No reason. Why did John Silver (Brian Murray) constantly review his plot, and then tell Jim it would all be ok, only to try and hurt Jim, only to save him? No reason. Why did Doctor Doppler (David Hyde Pierce) even come on the expedition? No reason. Why did Morph even have a part in the film? No reason.

Why did I waste my time watching it? No reason.

It’s true, I genuinely had no good reason to be watching this film, and upon completion… It was crap. Not as bad as some of the aforementioned Disney stinkers, but still not as good as Disney was capable of doing. Considering how much it actually costs to release these films, why the hell don’t they try doing a better job of it? I mean, sure Disney is on the upswing, hopefully, but why was there a down swing in the first place? No reason.

If you are in the mood to fill in some of the gaps in your Disney collection, go ahead and get it. But if you are actually looking for a Disney flick to sit down and watch? Just go ahead and skip this one. It probably isn’t the worst of them all (Brother Bear or Dinosaur) but it isn’t nearly as good as The Princess and the Frog. And that really is saying something.

How painful was it:  FURRIES. me no likey.

Rating: 3/10. probably should be listed in the ‘bad’ disney section

The Wife’s Retort: Meh. The kid didn’t even like it.

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