Kaitlyn Booth

Kaitlyn’s Fast And Furious Drunk Blog: Part Two

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It was about halfway through the third movie that I realized that this blog was getting kind of long and that I was getting less and less coherent. All the booze seemed to do was make me notice all of the annoying things in this series even more than when I was sober. Well, here we are, enjoy this second part of me watching these movies and getting more wasted. There are few more naughty words but if you’re watching these movies you’ve heard worse.

Skip to PART ONE or PART THREE of this Drunk Blog!

SPOILER WARNING

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

2006
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
I’m pretty sure that no high school is actual like this and has guys like this. Also, lovely that a woman is setting herself as literally an object to be won.
There need to be woman in this universe who don’t exist as objects.
There is not a single character from the previous movies in this one. Just be honest and admit you were trying to make a quick buck off of the title and let’s move on. I thought I wasn’t invested before now it’s just worse.
The racism is strong with this one. This isn’t exactly presenting a good image of Japan.
Someone needs to explain to me why people enjoy street racing because I don’t get it. Also I need more booze for this.
Can someone make something interesting happen please? Like I do not get why I’m supposed to care about this kid or anyone in this movie. And this kid is not seventeen. Also why is Han ordering a seventeen year old kid around? This is kind of weird and really creepy. Like you are a grown up and this kid can’t even drink and you’re taking him to clubs and making him extort money for you.
Oh look, more girls making out, I’m sure for plot reasons.
These movies are boring and I don’t care what anyone says.
Oh my product placement. Are these movies sponsored by Nos or something?
Twink is the worst name EVER. No parent would name their kid that and no kid would ever take that as a nickname. There are zero good connotations with that name. I’d say “has this kid read urban dictionary” but considering the prevalence of flip phones it hasn’t been invented yet.
Yeah okay a Dad is not going to let his kid go after the guy who just held a gun to his head.
The final race was strangely boring and there still didn’t feel like there were any stakes. I’ve heard this is the worst one in the series but still I can’t believe how dull this turned out to be. I find this entire series boring right now and I really shouldn’t considering what the genre is. I can’t even remember these characters names so why am I supposed to care whether they crash their stupid cars or not?
I’m starting to think the laws of psychics as we know it don’t apply in this universe. Someone drives off a mountain and is still alive (I think??). They actually aren’t 100% clear as to whether or not that guy lived or not.
Hey look Dom decided to show up. I bet Vin got more money for that cameo than the entire cast of unknowns combined. Get that money baby!
CONCLUSION: I’ve heard it’s all uphill from here and considering what I just watched and how bored I was I really hope that’s true.

Fast & Furious

2009
Fast and Furious
I’m well on my way to drunk and it’s not improving these movies thus far.
So, this is a prequel then? Because Han is alive? I think I remember reading this somewhere; the timeline of these movies is really weird.
This opening action scene is kind of impressive I guess but again there must be an easier way to go about this. It’s like Dom comes up with the most convoluted plan possible that deals with people he cares about (supposedly) putting themselves in danger of being splattered along the pavement. I don’t get it, why would you do that? I get that you don’t have any other redeemable skills outside of driving Dom so be the getaway driver and find someone who isn’t stupid to plan a coherent robbery.
The writers seem to think that pointing out that Dom has a rosary is supposed to make him likable or even a good person. I don’t know why this guy is our protagonist; he’s gotten people killed and caused god knows how much in property damage and because he has a sense of family we’re supposed to like him?? I don’t, movie, sorry.
Paul Walker is looking less like a baby and a bro in a suit which means he’s working for ~the man again which is going to go well. Yeah, the FBI would not let that man into their ranks. He basically went rogue, let a fugitive escape, and, over the course of two movies, broke most of LA and Miami.
Hey look they just fridged the one interesting woman in this series thus far. Way to go, movie!
Is Dom like CSI-ing this crime scene by the tire tracks alone? That…is not a thing that can happen. He has like the car equivalent of spidey senses that is the dumbest thing I have ever seen.
I thought about it and I decided that Letty is not that interesting. She’s just the hot tomboy girlfriend of Dom and nothing else. Also, Michelle and Vin have about as much chemistry as cardboard cutouts of Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen in the Star Wars prequels.
I kind of enjoy that Mia called Brian out on his crap. It was incredibly sleazy that he slept with her while he was undercover like that.
Again, why are supposed to be rooting for Dom? He is not good people.
I get that car crashes are cool but all I can think is “someone just died”. It says a lot about how engaged I am if I keep noticing this.
More women making out For Plot Reasons. And even more woman nearly having sex and being filmed for Plot Reasons.
Driving underground because…driving underground I guess. Then everyone gets shot and blown up. The body count in these movies gets up there fast.
I don’t understand why Brian keeps throwing away his entire career for Dom who is not a good person or even a likable one.
Again, the cops in this universe are scary incompetent.
A+ at keeping your boss safe idiot. WHY DID HE JUST CRASH INTO THE CAR THAT HAS HIS BOSS IN IT?
CONCLUSION: Why do people keep throwing their lives away for Dom? He’s a jackass.

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