Kaitlyn Booth

Kaitlyn’s Fast And Furious Drunk Blog: Part One

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So, I hadn’t watched a Fast and the Furious movie since the first one over a decade ago. For some reason I decided that if I was going to do a review for Furious 7 then I should probably have the backstory considering how obsessed this series has become with its own continuity. However, I was not really looking forward to it and put it off and put it off until I had to binge watch all six movies in a few days. I decided to do almost a live blog as I watched each movie. There are also might have been alcohol involved and a few naughty words. I’ll do these in segments of two movies each so I don’t post 2,000+ words about these movies. Enjoy!

Skip to PART TWO or PART THREE of this Drunk Blog

SPOILER WARNING

The Fast and the Furious

2001
The fast and the furious
I’m trying to figure out why this series is a thing. I’m also laughing because the televisions that they stole are so old. I have a feeling this is not a series that stands up over a decade later.
Paul Walker looked like such a baby in this first movie. There is also plenty of product placement going on.
Aww, the poor little blue eyed baby lost his first race. And you, know, nearly crashed at 140 miles an hour because that makes a ton of sense.
I really don’t know why they are all worshiping at altar that is Dom. He doesn’t seem like that much of a badass to me but what do I know about cars.
“They can find anything about anyone on The Web.” I think you just got google-d baby Paul Walker.
I’m thinking beer isn’t the way to go; I think I’m going to need vodka to get through this.
And there’s our first explosion. I love how they scream “NOS!!!!” There’s two girls making out. For Plot Reasons I’m sure.
Someone just popped In a floppy disc I love this. With all of these flashy cars you’d think the cops would be able to arrest these guys. Also they are using grace as a plot point to show that Dom is a Good Person. Good People don’t say grace.
I think Dom is supposed to be scary but he really isn’t.
I keep forgetting that baby Paul Walker is supposed to be under cover.
Oh yes, I remember now. These movies exist in some weird universe where FAMILY is the most important thing in the world.
These movies are so dramatic for no reason really. Also, I remember really liking Jesse the first time I saw this movie but IMDB tells me this is his only movie so he either dies or vanishes which sucks. I like the nerds in these movies.
Yep there goes the nerd.
I don’t quite get why they needed to go after the trucks like that. There had to be an easier way. There also had to be a reason why the driver decided that shooting people was the best idea.
WHY ARE THEY RACING I DON’T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS DUMB. Yeah let’s play chicken with a train. That sounds like an awesome idea.
I like how this seems to think that we’re supposed to be hurt by someone dying but they spend no time on it at all. Also Michelle and Vin had no chemistry.
CONCLUSION: That was really forgettable, why is this a thing? Also I am woefully sober with not nearly enough junk food. I think I need a food run. Also, why are their seven of these???

2 Fast 2 Furious

2003
2 fast 2 furious
I can’t believe that title is real.
Hello Devon Aoki what are you doing in this crap?
Demolition derbies are one of those things I just can’t wrap my head around. I’ve had people from the various Utah small towns try to explain this to me and I just don’t get it.
So I had no idea Vin wasn’t in this one.
These two are fighting like grade school puppies not like two guys who are supposed to be bad asses.
Well that was a nice accident you caused well done. Jerks.
These races are boring as hell. Also these have got to be the dumbest cops I have ever seen in a movie.
I like this pissing contest that they have going on with this alpha male crap. This movie has decided that it wants to amp up the torture and dark stuff which is really messing with the tone of this movie.
This series needs more lady drivers and Suki didn’t get nearly enough screen time. This one was significantly worse than the first one. I still haven’t had enough liquor to make this series good. I’ll get on that for the next one.
CONCLUSION: Is this really the title they decided to go with? I mean, really?

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