Alan Smithee

Happy Weather Predicting Rodent Day

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ʎʇıuɹǝʇǝ llɐ ɹoɟ llǝɥ uı uƃıǝɹ ʇnq 'uǝʌɐǝɥ ɟo ʇɥƃıl ǝɥʇ ʍouʞ ɹǝʌǝu llɐɥs ʎǝɥʇ˙˙˙ǝuıɯ ɯǝɥʇ ǝʞɐɯ llıʍ ı puɐ 'uǝɹplıɥɔ ɹnoʎ ǝʞɐʇ llıʍ ı 'ʇɥƃıu ǝɥʇ uı noʎ ɹoɟ ǝɯoɔ llıʍ ı

So, it’s the 2nd of February already eh? Another year, another chance for a bunch of pagentry assholes to cart out a groundhog in front of a crowd of thousands and pretend that the little bastard can predict what we’re up against when it comes to mother nature. If you can’t tell, I’m delightfully jaded.

You betcha! Today is the day where a bunch of guys all freezing their asses off in the middle of a Pennsylvania winter all huddle around each other in scenic Puxatawney to pretend to hear from the groundhog, aptly named Puxatawney Phil.

Well, to put my feelings into words, I’d simply have to say FUCK YOU PEOPLE, we’re going to see 6 more weeks of winter because *ahem* WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER! Rodents and shadows have fuckall to do with what the weather pattern will be for the next month and a half!

I get it, it brings tourism dollars to your town, he’s kinda cute, it’s all in good fun, yadda yadda…but know this, Phil wouldn’t hesitate to take a chunk out of your face if you let him get close enough. Let’s not even get into the fact that these people think that he’s ALWAYS right. We normally call those people simpletons in my house, but you may refer to them as idiots.

The stats never lie though, out of the past 110+ predictions recorded in recent history…good ol’ Phil has only been correct 39% of the time. That’s right, less than half the time out of a 50/50 guess he’s wrong. I’ll take those chances and say that winter will start to lighten up soon, oh in about 4-5 weeks.

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