Five Reasons Halo:Reach needs to be the last Halo

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I read an article today talking about how Halo will Teabag MW2 and thought to myself, “Do I really care that much to write up a response article.”

The answer is yes, yes I do. So I put together a list of 5 reason why Halo is destroying the youth of this great nation. Hit the jump to see why they need to stop making Halo games.

Michael Moore, eat your heart out.

Reason #1: Halo turns kids into sniveling pussies


Ok, I have to admit, this video is freaking hilarious man. I watch it every week. It just amazes me how parents could let a child become so obsessed with a game to turn him into what you see. Oh well, he wouldn’t have amounted to much anyways.

Reason #2: Halo trains more psycho killers than the Taliban


I think the US should stop looking in Iraq for terrorists and start looking in basements. That’s where the next resistance movement is growing. This game is training our children to be soldiers. However, until we have rechargable shields and power armor, I think we’re safe.

Reason #3: Halo destroys the vocabulary of our youth


When the only words you have to articulate your frustration are FUCK, FAGGOT and NIGGER, than you have a problem. Seriously kid, put down the controller and pick up a book or a magazine. For God’s sakes, go read GameInformer if your’re that obsessed. Just get off the mic for awhile. Please?!?

Reason #4: Halo transforms children into wild animals


I’m not sure how this kid has the ability to sound like that but I blame Halo. Pretty soon they’ll be wandering around our neighborhoods in packs, just looking to hunt and kill the next “faggot” who dares shoot them in a Halo match.

Reason #5: Halo kids are sad, pathetic creatures


The video says it all.

There you have it, my top 5 reasons why Halo has destroyed this great nation. There can be no greater threat to your youth than this murder simulation and it must be stopped.

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