Fatty Fatty No Parents: Local News Station Digs Deep to Find That Portal 2 Hates Orphans
And by “digs deep” I mean “takes a reactionary stance and rides that baby all the way to the bank.”
Say what you want about the illustrious team of journalists over at WBTV (based out of North Carolina, if you’d like to direct your hate in a specific direction), They at least have all the bases covered: White bread nuclear family living their lives in idyllic tranquility until the evil video games came? Check. Extremely short, out of context snippets of the video game in question? Check. Pompous news commentators displaying their signature blend of righteous indignation, “genuine” concern, and complete detachment? Check.
Honestly, I feel genuinely bad for the little girl in question. She’s just enjoying a video game, when all of a sudden some taboo topic is brought up and suddenly everyone’s fidgeting uncomfortably, turning off the game, and making her feel like a total outcast in her own family. What should be a harmless joke, easily explained as completely non-offensive if you bother to take it in the context of the game’s narrative, suddenly becomes a traumatic event in this little girl’s life, just because her adopted parents are uncomfortable with addressing the question, “What is jokes?”
The brilliant news squad over at WBTV need to stick to what they’re good at: Reporting meth lab explosions and tracking hurricanes and tornadoes as they careen through the tobacco crops and exploding meth labs.