I am currently in the process of going back and watching some classic, and not so classic, zombie movies. I figure it doesn’t hurt to keep up to date on what we are up against. Personally, I’m a “purist” when it comes to zombies in any form of entertainment (i.e. Romero zombies). They need to be slow, clumsy and stupid (but maybe that’s just wishful thinking!). I am a firm believer that zombies cannot swim, nor really have any need to since they will get where ever they need to be eventually. I can not stand behind the theory that zombies can, nor will ever, be able to advance their thinking or abilities to the point where they are able to operate a weapon of any kind.
That being said, tonight I found myself watching “Dead Snow”. A movie about a group of co-ed medical students hiking off to some remote cabin in the woods for the weekend. All seemed harmless enough at first, playing games, tubing down the snow banks, and drinking beer. I guess that this might be a better time then any to explain that this is a German film with subtitles (so if you’re not a fan of reading movies, feel free to move on to the next post!).
The thing that appealed most to me, as it would with any zombie lover, was the anticipation of Nazi zombies. Obviously on the complete opposite end of my zombie spectrum, but, like I said, it never hurts to see what we’re up against! These super hybrid zombies and fast, clever, and “aware”. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t take issue with any of these zombie ‘problems’! My problem was this…stupid people!!
No matter how many zombie movies the characters have seen, they still never seem to learn anything (note to readers: don’t be stupid, and learn from other’s mistakes!!). The girls in the movie, ironically enough, were the smarter of the characters. The guys, while a few of them finally step up and kick some dead Nazi ass, stumble, whine and complain for far too long. Not to mention the lack of respect for any of the horror-movie rules.
1) No matter how drunk you are, don’t stumble to the outhouse by yourself! You will die.
2) Don’t split up! Seperately you’ve got no chance. You will die.
3) If you don’t fight back, you will die. (zombies may not be the smart, but they are tenacious little buggers!)
4) If you decide to have sex, you will die.
The saving grace of the movie was, not only that as you’d expect, everyone dies, but how they die. I’m a big fan of the ‘deaths’ of characters, humans and zombies alike. There’s just something about watching someone’s head get ripped in half and their brain fall to the floor that makes me smile! Or maybe the brilliant use of a chainsaw, even though the character using it wasn’t the most convincing. As cheesy as the movie was, there were a few parts that made me jump, but definitely more parts that made me laugh, and even more parts that made me roll my eyes! But there’s a lesson here that we all need to learn. It doesn’t matter what kinds of zombies you may or may not believe in, you’ve got to be prepared for them all!
AIM HIGH!
SIRIUSZOMBIE
