Notable Releases

Tuesday (5/15)

Diablo III (PC)
Max Payne 3 (PS3/360)
Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II (PSN/XBLA)
Game of Thrones (PC/PS3/360)
PixelJunk 4am (PSN)

Game of the Week

As much as I would love to recommend Max Payne 3 this week, I’m not fully convinced that Rockstar Games has captured the true spirit of the series on this one. This week’s recommendation is going to Diablo III: massively hyped, finely tuned, albeit likely more of the same.

Why it might kick ass

Track record

You can’t really argue that every time Bethesda has created a new iteration of The Elder Scrolls, they are met with critical acclaim and millions in sales. As a franchise, just slapping its name on anything is guaranteed to kickstart the hype machine.

We’ve explored so little of the universe so far

Bethesda has created an entire universe for its Elder Scrolls franchise, yet we’ve only explored a very small amount of a continent in that universe in 5 main titles. Even if The Elder Scrolls Online only focuses on the continent of Tamriel, we’re in for a huuuuge game.

The team has been at it since 2007

ZeniMax Online Studios was created specifically to make this game a reality, and they’ve been at it for about 5 years now. That might not seem like much, but Skryim, Fallout 3, and Fallout: New Vegas were all conceived and published in that time.

Why it might suck

Development record lacks real multiplayer experience

ZeniMax Media might have published a number of multiplayer gamers, but when it comes to developing them in-house, the company has minimal experience. In fact, the only real experience on the ZeniMax team comes from a company they acquired, id Software.

The Elder Scrolls was attempted in multiplayer once before…to lukewarm reviews

Hidden very deep on the Bethesda Softworks website is their only previous attempt to bring the series into multiplayer, An Elder Scrolls Legend: Battlespire. The game was released at the end of 1997 using the same in-house engine they used for The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall, used only once before to run a multiplayer deathmatch Terminator game, not a full RPG. Needless to say, the game had to be stripped down heavily from its single-player experience, and was a critical failure.

Their launches are often riddled with bugs.

As much as we might love the franchise, Bethesda has gotten rather infamous for the “buggy mess” state that their titles are released. With a single player game, this is usually more acceptable (as patches can be pushed and downloaded at one’s own discretion, but multiplayer is a little more unforgiving. Especially in those first months, a developer can’t afford to need multiple early patches, as this leads to less time in the game itself.

It’s not going to look as good

I’ll admit, this one is more a flaw in the massively multiplayer market rather than the series. The Elder Scrolls single player experience is painstakingly created to make the game as beautiful as possible on current hardware and console limitations. As such, towns and dungeons are carefully crafted to minimize slowdown due to too many objects on the screen. When bringing it into the multiplayer world, we now have to add server capabilities to the table as well. As such, we’re going to see a considerable scale down to prevent the servers from catching on fire, including limited character model customization.

Notable Releases

Tuesday (5/8)

Starhawk (PS3)

Wednesday (5/9)

Minecraft (XBLA)

Game of the Week

Awarded to Minecraft, the most addictive game this side of Skyrim.

The following article is the writer’s opinion. It does not portray the opinions of WatchPlayRead as a whole

As much as it doesn’t look like it, these so-called AAA titles happen multiple times in a year. A big name publisher throws millions upon millions of dollars at a franchise, publicizes the hell out of it, and is guaranteed at least an 8.0 from all the major publishers. So, what’s my problem with AAA? Well, think of this in terms of eggs. In order for an egg to be considered “AA”, it has to reach a certain level of quality, and thus earns its higher price, while the “B” grade eggs are flawed and intended for mass consumption. In the game industry, the grade only seems to correspond with the price.

As for quality, I really don’t see it in AAA titles. These are the games meant for mass consumption, as they don’t take any risks with their already tired formulas. This likely directly correlates with the fact that most of these games are sequels. I guess you could say that when you are guaranteed to make all your money back plus a good profit, most of these companies think “why change perfection?”. But that’s the thing. These games aren’t perfection, they’re incredibly stale and tired.

Bioware, I feel, is a AAA company doing it (somewhat) right. For this example, let’s use the controversial Dragon Age II. The first Dragon Age was incredibly successful, even if it was no more than a “spiritual successor” to Baldur’s Gate. The game did so well, that it spawned not only expansions and a standalone prequel, but got the greenlight for a sequel. So what did Bioware do for its highly anticipated sequel? Well, they through out the entire tried and true formula for Western RPGs and tried something completely new with everything. Guess what? The mass consumption crowd hated it. They felt betrayed by the company, some even downright boycotting any future titles, but they never gave up trying new things with their franchises, most recently Mass Effect. While I might disagree with some of the choices the company has made (an action-heavy Mass Effect 3? Really?), I have nothing but respect for them stirring up the pot.

Batman #1: Scott Snyder (writer) and Greg Capullo (art)

What better way could I start my journey into the world of comics than the recent reboot of more than 52 DC titles. I knew I wanted to start with Batman, as he was the only DC property I was familiar with that has had a recent string of movie and video game hits. What I didn’t know was that of the 52 titles updated, 12 of them were related in some way to Batman. So I did what any respectful reviewer would do: I “eeny meeny miney mo”ed it. The simply titled Batman #1 was the lucky winner.

Boy, did I luck out. Batman #1 went right into the action, skipping the motivation parental murders and jumping right into Batman in jail, fighting alongside The Joker, or so we’re led to believe. You see, Batman sent “Boy-Wonder” Dick Grayson right into Arkham with a digitalized Joker disguise and a few acting classes to look for holes in security. If Chris O’Donnell was put into this same situation, he’d be a shank magnet in minutes, but this Dick Grayson plays the part perfectly.

For those completely in the dark, the story does offer slight bits of back story through Bruce Wayne’s bevy of nifty gadgets, including what is essentially a voice activated detective kit. This device must have tabs on everyone in Gotham, as a quick call for facial recognition pulls up information on everyone he targets, testing it on two young boys who just so happen to be different Robins. Batman sure loves him some orphans.

The artwork and story is bloody and gritty, very much at home with the Batman I’ve seen in the Christopher Nolan films and recent “Arkham” games, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As much as I love the Adam West Batman, this Batman seems much more believable. Sure, the tech might be a little “science-fiction”, but nothing seems too far off.

If Batman #1 is any indicator, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship with comics.

Perhaps my background is to blame for my strong opinions against athletic competition. In the Wilson household, the only time the television was ever really turned to a sports program was during the World Series (growing up in New York meant I could feign support for the Yankees and no one would bat an eye) or the Super Bowl, both of which I could easily tune out with some Sega Genesis time. I even made it through two years of Little League, the second year of which my team made through as undefeated champions, with heavy apathy and boredom. Could you blame me though? Outfield is incredibly boring when the ball rarely leaves a tee.

So what magical thing eased over twenty years of cynicism, albeit only slightly?

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07 for the PlayStation 3

Yes, you heard me right. A derivative PlayStation 3 launch title from EA Sports put my cold, athletically-apathetic heart on the defrost cycle. Sure, golf might not be the most popular of sports, reserved usually for rich businessmen and doctors, but damn have I found great enjoyment smacking that virtual dimpled sphere around.

How to cure your cynicism, the Ryan Wilson way

Create a character

While it might seem tempting to just jump right into the game with a quick 18 holes as Tiger Woods, trust me, don’t! Nothing kills your enthusiasm for a game than sucking royally with a character that can make it to the green easily with one fell smack. One of the great things I’ve found with Tiger Woods PGA Tour ’07 (and I assume subsequent games), is that you start off as an amateur…and I do mean amateur, as every stat is at 1. Sure, it might take you an extra shot to get the ball right where you want it, but it’s much easier to recover from a terrible slice when you’re working with only 200 yards.

Multiplayer, multiplayer, multiplayer

If you can help it, play the game with someone, preferably in the same room. Tutorials simply aren’t enough to understand how to properly play the game. Whether your opponent is a “professional” or a total amateur like you, you can watch the effects of their club, power, and aim decisions. Just by doing this, I went from triple bogeys to eagles and birdies in no time.

Remember, it’s just a game

This one is the most important: keep your cool while you play. The announcers, especially in Tiger Woods PGA Tour ’07, are relentless assholes when you make a bad shot. If you can’t handle them, turn them off. After all, it’s just a game.

Notable Releases

Tuesday (4/24)

Risen 2: Dark Waters (PC)
Prototype 2 (PS3/360)
Shifting World (3DS)

Wednesday (4/25)

The Walking Dead: Episode 1 – A New Day (PC/PSN/XBLA)

Friday (4/27)

Binary Domain (PC)

Game of the Week

Despite the disaster that was Jurassic Park: The Video Game, this week’s recommendation is still going to Telltale Games’ The Walking Dead episodic adventure. The company has, time and time again, proven itself to produce quality products, and the brief glimpses of game play we’ve witnessed so far look incredibly promising.

Button mashing is nothing new to gamers. From your “Test Your Might” challenges in Mortal Kombat to the NES’ Track and Field, developers have been ruining controllers (and hands) all in the sense of competition. But, what if that same button mashing technique was used for opening treasure chests and doors? Well…

How it can go horribly wrong

No consequence

What’s the point of having a button mashing if there is no penalty for failure? Many times, I’ve seen button mashing used simply for opening a treasure chest in a room void of enemies, where the only penalty for messing up is the fact that you have to go through the entire chest opening sequence again. The prize is still there, so all you lose is time. Unless you’re a speed runner, this will mean nothing to you.

Mashing multiple buttons

What’s more annoying than mashing one button? Mashing multiple buttons. Sure the game might try justifying this action by showing the character switching hands in the animation, but they aren’t fooling anyone. Couple this with a lack of consequence and this just gets infuriating.

How it can go right

Urgency

As I mentioned before, without the sense of consequence, button mashing is just a pain in the ass. But what if a big baddie is raining hot death right behind you? You can bet that finger endurance test is going to hold more weight.

Multiple paths

Button mashing can also be used to give incentive to the player. For example, let’s say that the door you are trying to open is time sensitive, and making your way through it will offer an alternative route through the game. Missing this button mashing opportunity, while not an insta-death consequence, will make the situation more difficult.

Though it was 13 years ago, I remember this moment like it was yesterday. The survival horror genre was still cutting its teeth with the Resident Evil franchise when Capcom decided to nix the zombies for a bit and bring in the Jurassic Park crowd with Dino Crisis. I had tried Resident Evil a year or two prior, but my feeble pre-teen mind couldn’t handle the complicated two-button combat system, leading to one frustrated piece of zombie chow. By the time of Dino Crisis, I had finally learned to control the tank-like protagonists.

While games were usually restricted to the confines of my room, an earlier experience with Jurassic Park on my dad’s new home theater system made me insist on experiencing the game in full house-shaking surround sound, even though I knew being out in the open would leave me susceptible to any and all chores my parents could think of to get me away from the television. However, this time, my parents not only let me play the game undisturbed, but were generally interested in watching me play the game.

I wasn’t particularly far in the game, killing a few raptors, opening a few locked doors, and skipping through all dialogue in my wake. In retrospect, I wish I could slap my past self in the back of the head for my blatant disregard of storyline, but I digress. One room, however, kept alluding me throughout my speedrun: the Chief’s room, located on the second floor of the research facility. I frustratedly kept backtracking through the game, searching for that allusive key that would open the room. I must have been searching for at least an hour, my parents back-seat gaming the entire time, until I finally found what. Absolutely ecstatic, I made a bee-line right for the Chief’s room and typed in the decoded door passcode when…Mom wanted a shot at the game.

My mom has never been much of a gamer outside of the occasional adventure game at that time, so I was shocked to see her get an interest in what was easily my biggest hobby. Begrudgingly, I handed her the controller, preparing myself to back-seat game her until she got bored with it. If she only knew what was ahead of her, she probably wouldn’t have taken the controller.

In my mind, the giant pane of glass covering one side of the office was a red flag, but my mom didn’t pick up on it as she ran past it to get to a deceptively easy medal box puzzle. I winced as she ran by, knowing that window would not be intact for much longer. Sure enough, once she grabbed the card from the puzzle and began to run for the exit…

The controller flew in the air as my mom shrieked as a Tyrannosaurus made its smashing debut. Looking back at it now, this moment easily ranks in the top ten moments I’ve laughed my ass off. As for my mom, she never picked up the controller again.

Notable Releases

Tuesday (4/17)

Disgaea 3: Absence of Detention (Vita)
The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition (PC/360)
The House of the Dead 4 (PSN)
Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet (PC)

Game of the Week

Awarded to The Witcher 2, a great PC game made even better and imported to the console crowd.

Richard Garriott de Cayeux

Known for: Ultima franchise, Tabula Rasa
Richard Garriott, best known by his gaming alter-ego Lord British, has been revolutionizing the role-playing genre for over 30 years. Though he started as a hobbyist creating Dungeons & Dragons campaigns for his friends, he was encouraged to try selling his latest game, Akalabeth, in Ziploc bags in game stores. This proved extremely successful, selling around 30,000 copies. He soon followed this up with what would soon become his name-to-fame, Ultima, which lead to a franchise of 9 games, spinoffs, expansions, and even a popular MMO still active today. Garriott may have taken a few years away from the game industry to pursue his passion for aerospace, but together with his new company, Portalarium, he is ready to take the gaming world by storm once again.

So what’s stopping him?: Unfortunately, Lord British has all but lost his rule over the world of Ultima, as EA firmly holds the rights to any and all future titles bearing the Ultima moniker (though, surprisingly, he still holds the key to Britannia). He’s been in talks with EA to claim the name once again, but so far his efforts have been fruitless.

Roberta and Ken Williams

Known for: King’s Quest franchise, Phantasmagoria
This husband/wife combo are responsible for popular adventure game company, Sierra On-Line, which brought us such franchises as King’s Quest, Space Quest, Police Quest, Leisure Suit Larry, and Quest for Glory. The duo created what is easily the company’s most successful franchise, King’s Quest, which spawned 8 titles and helped bring adventures games out of their text and parser days and into the graphical era.

So what’s stopping them?:Ken and Roberta retired from the industry back in 1999, and have shown little interest in going back. While we did see a glimpse of them when they gave their blessing to the unofficial fangame, The Silver Lining, both are currently busy with other pursuits. The final nail in this coffin might be the fact that the series is set to be reboot by Telltale Games.

John Romero

Known for: DOOM, Wolfenstein 3D
Together with John Carmack, John Romero essentially created the first-person shooter genre with Wolfenstein 3D. With DOOM, Heretic, and Quake, he helped the genre continue to evolve. Following his great success at id Software, he went on to form Ion Storm, which led to such popular franchises Deus Ex and Thief.

So what’s stopping him?:Not everything that came out of Ion Storm was successful. After the colossal failure and snarky campaign of Daikatana, his name might be too tarnished to ever receive enough funding. He has already tried unsuccessfully to return to the industry a handful of times to little success (many projects cancelled due to lack of publisher).

Chris Roberts

Known for: Wing Commander
Chris Roberts, like Richard Garriot, built his game development career at Origin Systems, assisting on the Ultima series shortly before he made a name for himself with Wing Commander. The series combined white-knuckle space combat rivaling Star Wars with great story and, from Wing Commander 3 on, Hollywood talent like Mark Hamill, John Rhys-Davies, and Malcolm McDowell. The series spawned 5 main titles and numerous spinoffs.

So what’s stopping him?: After a long run of successful titles, Wing Commander’s reputation was tarnished by a horrid film adaptation, which Roberts directed himself. You’d think with the heavily cinematic stylings and star studded nature of the game franchise, they’d be able to easily follow suit with a movie, but we were wrong. Horribly wrong. Roberts has since left the game industry to pursue a career in film production.

WatchPlayRead has been hard at work with top synthetics researchers to bring you a brand new way to experience the site. We believe that, while audio and video has certainly helped spread the influence of online journalism, there is still much to go to fully immerse a growing audience. Now, after 3 long years of research and development, we are finally ready to launch:

WatchPlayReadSmell

Though currently in alpha stages, WatchPlayReadSmell will bring a whole new way to not only read, but experience our articles. Utilizing specially selected colors tuned to specific frequencies, we are able to synthetically emulate an odor relating to the article you are reading. Combine these frequencies with mild friction (please use your finger, WatchPlayRead is not responsible for damages caused to monitors from using foreign objects) and the scent will be activated. For this launch we’ve provided three drastically different scents to showcase what WatchPlayReadSmell will bring to the table.

Gunpowder

Let’s say that Michael Bay just announced some new screenshots for his latest blockbuster film. The movie is still in early stages, so we haven’t been graced with even a teaser trailer to get you thoroughly hyped. So how do we get the white knuckle action feeling of a Michael Bay film, when the provided images are less than stellar? Why not a freshly detonated explosion?

Xopher

Website visionary Xopher Reed has done a brilliant job getting normally sedentary people off the couch and exercising with the No Hungy podcast, but we believe that we can do even better. In this scent, we’ve synthesized the pure masculinity of Xopher, fresh off a 7 mile run. Our extended research has also found this scent to be a great aphrodisiac, so get your favorite lady in front of the screen for this one (we’ve made the sample smaller on purpose…the sexuality is strong in this one).

Anime

Anime is easily one of our most complicated scents to synthesize for your smelling pleasure, but we wanted to prove that WatchPlayReadSmell can be implemented for every situation. By combining the smell of Pocky, fresh Pokemon cards, Evan Burkey, and a squid’s tentacle, we believe we have accomplished the impossible, but that’s up to you to decide.

If you’re having trouble activating the scent please watch the following instructional video, narrated by Ryan Thomason. Good luck, and happy smelling!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III set the bar incredibly low

There is one thing that most Turtles fans can agree on: the third movie was a steaming pile of cowadunga. With a poorly contrived time traveling to feudal Japan plot and not one, but TWO characters based around Brooklyn douche-nozzle Casey Jones, the movie was doomed from the start. Not only that, but the turtles themselves became the stuff of nightmares. Look at this shot from the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Now compare it to the turtles in the third movie.

This is what happens when you drop Jim Henson’s Creature Shop from your character design department; you get Gary Busey with a skin condition.

‘Ninja Turtles’ isn’t exactly Shakespeare

Sure, I just ripped on the third movie, but the truth is I find it a guilty pleasure. Plus, it’s not like the rest of the movies were exactly works of art. Even the first movie, which is often considered the most loyal to it’s comic book counterpart, wasn’t exactly a critical darling. An hour and a half of one-liners, pizza addiction, and Corey Feldman might be fine to the kids who grew up with the Turtles, but to an older audience it became grating.

The turtles you remember haven’t aged well

The Turtles you know and love are deeply seated in the late 80s/early 90s, and thus their lingo, while cool during the times, just sounds awkward and cheesy today. There is nothing wrong with a little nostalgia, but trying to recreate it is severely limiting the intended audience (namely the parents dragging their kids along. This also works in reverse, as if they try to tack on modern lingo and pop culture in with the old. If you try to draw in the older audience with promises of “xtreme bodacious pizza”, then follow it up with a little “All the single ladies” dance number, you’re going to piss off both sides of your audience. As an audience, we know what we like, but dammit are we fickle about it.

Aliens are pretty low on the absurdity chart.

Are you seriously going to get all flustered over the fact that Michael Bay is going to drop the “mutant” factor of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Please, the series has seen much, much worse disservice. Take for example the cover art I’ve provided to the right, which comes from Volume 3 of the comic book series. Notice anything odd about it? If you said “everything”, go ahead and claim your prize. While Michelangelo is, for the most part, unharmed in this series, the rest of the turtles where not as lucky. Donatello is now a cyborg (he was paralyzed from falling out of a helicopter shell-first), Leonardo had his hand bitten off by a lizard, and Raphael is deeply scarred and running the Foot Clan. Oh, and don’t even think their master walks away unscathed; Splinter gets even more mutated and turns into a giant bat. Yes, you heard me right: a giant bat. Allegedly, the co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Peter Laird, was so dissatisfied with what Volume 3 did to his franchise that he wrote it out of continuity with Volume 4.

So remember, the next time you feel the sense of enragement by the fact that Michael “Splosion Man” Bay has taken over your precious Ninja Turtles, keep this in mind: there is nothing he can do to harm the franchise that the franchise hasn’t already done worse to itself.

Crowdfunding sites have grown exponentially in the past year, the most popular of which are Kickstarter and Indiegogo. Developer hopefuls need only a handful of concept art and a video introduction to pitch their idea to the masses, who serve as judge, jury, and executioner to their project.

The most successful crowdfunding campaign to date has been that of Psychonauts developer Double Fine Productions, ran by LucasArts veteran Tim Schafer. Their idea was simple: let’s reunite Tim with long-time creative partner Ron Gilbert to create a brand new adventure game, exposing the creative and development process along the way. That way, the people are treated as investors, given regular progress reports to ensure the development is going smoothly. Needless to say, the campaign worked like a charm, as the working titled Double Fine Adventure raised a record-breaking $3,446,371, over eight and a half times the original goal of $400,000. Not only that, but the campaign catapulted crowdfunding into the public eye, leading to a higher adoption rate by hopeful developers, gaming and other media alike.

So why should you be throwing your hard-earned money on an “idea” instead of a finished project? Well…

Creativity is rewarded

Like it or not, publishers, there is a very vocal audience that doesn’t want to play the same thing over and over again. Sure, a crowdsourced project isn’t going to sell millions of copies like the latest AAA sequel is guaranteed (Double Fine Adventures is sitting with a high score of over 87,000 backers), success is determined in crowdsourcing by quality, not quantity. Failure is determined by the project not meeting its funding goal, and no money will be exchanged between the investor (you) and the developer. Indiegogo is the exception to this rule, which allows for Flexible Funding, where the developer has a goal amount in mind, but the project will still be funded whether it makes $10 or $10,000.

Your contributions are recognized

Just because you are effectively pre-ordering a title before any real progress has been made to it doesn’t mean you aren’t receiving an incentive for supporting. Developers relying on crowdsourcing often provide gifts of gratitude for funding their project. Low contributions will usually net a special thanks in the credits, while exceptionally higher contributions can lead to limited edition swag and creative contribution in the game itself.

The original vision is not compromised

When a publisher signs off on a project, they have their own ideas of the finished project that more often than not differs from the developer’s vision. They’re out to make money, vision be damned. If the game’s story calls for a serious werewolf when wise-cracking vampires are “in”, you can bet 9 times out of 10 that the lycanthrope will get the axe to accommodate that smack-talking Dracula.

Crowdsourced projects cut out the middle man, allowing developers to make their own decisions. Sure, the occasional project allows contribution by the investor themselves, their input is limited in such a way that the game is still under the developer’s control.

Cancellations are less likely

The amount of games that publishers sweep under the rug is staggering. Many don’t even get far enough to get a formal announcement before the entire project (and sadly, often the entire development team) is scrapped. Worse yet, many titles get pushed into development hell, hoping that hype will sell more copies when the game is finally worthy of completion. This, as history has surely proven (*cough* Duke Nukem Forever *cough*), almost never proves successful.

Crowdfunding, in terms of the developer, is a double-edged sword. The funding is there for the project, but if it is ever determined by them that the vision was in fact too ambitious, the developer has little option than modifying the vision. Trying to cancel a successfully funded project could lead to serious legal ramifications. Let us not forget that crowdfunding is “investing”, not “charity”, and developers receiving your money will be working as hard as they can to make their dreams a reality.

To follow the news as it happens, follow us on Facebook.

Lone Survivor Release Date

Lone Survivor, a 2D game by Superflat Games and one of my highest anticipated titles of 2012, will be released on the 27th of this month! The game will be available for $10, but for $50 you can get the First Aid edition, which includes the OST, a short game dubbed LS3D, and additional bonus materials.

Diablo III News

After far, far too long, Blizzard has finally given us the answer we have been asking for: Diablo III finally has a release date! May 15th of this year (yes, that’s right, THIS year), we will finally get our greasy mitts on the highly addictive third entry of the series. To guarantee your copy, you can either pre-purchase now on or subscribe to a year of World of Warcraft.

Also, Blizzard has revealed that PvP mode in Diablo 3 has not been living up to their high standards and that they need more time to fine tune it. They will NOT be delaying the game’s release, saying that campaign and co-op is nearly complete, and PvP will be enabled at a later date.

Wasteland 2 Funded by Kickstarter

With thirty days left until completion, Wasteland 2 is already more than adequately funded with $1,278,464 pledged of its original $900,000 goal. $1.5 million will guarantee the game will see a Mac and Linux release of the spiritual prequel to the Fallout series.

Adventure Time returning!

What time is it? Adventure Time! Adventure Time returns with its fourth season on Monday, April 2, at 7:30 p.m. (ET/PT) OH MY GLOB YOU GUYS.

XBLA Cheevos are a-changing

XBLA game achievements will increase from 200 to 400 points and up to 30 achievements starting next month (at the discretion of the developer). All games released June will be required to follow this new standard.

New TMNT Movie Release

Paramount has announced the release date for their latest attempt to revive Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in movie form: December 25, 2013, and will it be a christmas present or a lump of coal in your stocking?

Baldur’s Gate: Enhanced Edition

Baldur’s Gate: Enhanced Edition will feature some new content made by former BG staff and the Tales of the Sword Coast expansion as well. Wipe any concern you have about the new version using a later version of the D&D rules, as 2nd edition rules will still apply. Baldur’s Gate 2: EE (also including its expansion will happen at a later date.

Set for a Summer 2012 release date

Free game for PS Vita Owners (in the US and Canada)

PS Vita owners: don’t forget to download MotorStorm RC, free for a limited time (if you don’t mind a Scion iQ advertcar addition)

Neeeeeeeerds!

TBS has greenlit the new unscripted competition series King of the Nerds, hosted by two of the stars of the movie Revenge of the Nerds, Robert Carradine and Curtis Armstrong. Basically, It’s a competition to see who is the Nerdiest Nerd in all of Nerdom. No word on if Ogre beats up the losers in the competition.

At first, I was hesitant to write about Eversion. You need not look any further than the backlog of Red Light Roundtable to see my practical obsession with this game. Yet, somehow, I never ended up putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case) to sing the deceptively cute gospels of Eversion…until now, that is.

Above is the only screenshot I’ll provide to you for this entry to 2008′s TIGSource TIGER Assault competition theme “Commonplace Book”. For those not familiar, the Commmonplace Book was HP Lovecraft’s notebook of ideas, many of which never got fleshed out into full stories. Eversion, while built looking like the cute Mario-esque platformer you see before you, was built with this particular quote in mind:

sounds – possibly musical – heard in the night from other worlds or realms of being

Since this is HP Lovecraft we’re talking about, you can safely guess that Zee Tee (your flowery protagonist) is in for quite the adventure as he seeks to save the princess. Levels 1 and 2 are deceptively cookie cutter tutorials that introduce you to the two actions, jump and ‘evert’, as you bounce off cute orange creatures on your quest to collect all the gems. Impatient players might lose interest in Level 2, especially if they miss the game’s subtle introduction to level eversion.

What awaits the patient in Level 3 will hit you like a ton of bricks. With one simple block hit, the game changes for the eldritch. Those happy little orange enemies will become the least of your problems as the level is now out to get you. I won’t say exactly how, but Level 3 is guaranteed to make you jump out of your skin. The game will occasionally go back to normal, but after that moment, you will be on edge through the entirety of the game’s 8 levels.

Picture by waxburden

Speaking of endings, they need to be seen to be believed. Without a doubt, you will experience the so-called “bad ending” on your first, possibly even your second time around, but keep at it, as the good ending is the only way to experience that eighth level.

You can download your free copy of Eversion here, or buy the HD version on Steam

Question for the readers: Do you think ‘Indie Free Play’ would be better suited as a regular video series? Podcast? Please let me know in the comments below.

When I say “Enhanced Edition”, I’m not talking a limited edition box with a small resin bust of an auxiliary character and an art book (though that might be the topic of a future “Gaming Trends”), nor am I talking about a “Game of the Year” edition, where late-comers can experience the game and all its expansions on the cheap. No, we’re talking about the “old and improved” re-release: the dusty titles given a fresh coat of paint to appeal to the modern gaming audience, while at the same time pissing off the fans of the original.

How it can go right

Bug redemption

Prior to this current generation of consoles (or prior to the Internet for PC gamers), if a developer made a fatal error in their game, the player had to suffer through it 99% of the time. While some developers offered patched versions of their games by contacting them through snail mail (or, if you were one of the lucky ones with a dialup modem and BBS, slowly download a patch), other companies made you double dip into your wallet to get a their bugs resolved (often hidden under a “Special Edition” moniker).

Those days are gone. What was once an infamous bugs from the original title will likely receive extra special attention the second time around. If a new bug is discovered after release, any halfway competent developer can patch their product and have it available to download within seconds (assuming they aren’t under the stricter console update schedule).

Playable without emulation

There is a reason why such programs as DOSBox and ScummVM are so popular among retro gamers. Unless you have a Tandy Color in your computer room for these types of emergencies, you’re going to have to result to playing your copy of Ultima V with an emulator. Sounds easy, right? WRONG! Unless you’re double-dipping through a digital distribution service like GOG or Steam, you’re going to have to hit the shady and legally-ambiguous areas of the Internet to find a pre-converted copy of the game (one, hopefully, without a nasty virus attached to it).

The beauty with Enhanced Editions is that they’ve done the dirty work for you. That DOS-only game you remember from your childhood can now be enjoyed on your quad-core, dual graphics card, 64-bit beast of a machine.

Improves the game

CD Projekt RED is the epitome of this technique. With the release of The Witcher, the company tries some fresh and risky ideas. After a year of listening to fan suggestions and correcting bugs, they released the Enhanced Edition, a fully patched and heavily tweaked version of the game. These changes only sought to improve an already strong game, and required a minimal (if any) learning curve.

How it can go horribly wrong

Rubs salt on the sequel wound

Recent offender:Baldur’s Gate Enhanced Edition
PC gamers around the world collectively shat themselves when the quite dormant baldursgate.com changed to a static page of the iconic medallion with a countdown this week. We watched and waited, F5 key at the ready the moment that countdown to bear the fruits of our patience.
00:00:05
00:00:04
00:00:03
00:00:02
00:00:01
00:00:00
00:00:00
00:00:00
HTTP Error 503 Service unavailable

Fast forward a 20 excruciating minutes of frantic refreshing and we finally had the answer that eluded us so long…a remake. Baldur’s Gate 3 became yet again a distant dream.

The “HD” version

Worst offender: The PlayStation 3
How do you solve a problem like backwards compatibility? Well, if you’re one of the dozens “HD remakes” available for the PlayStation 3, you do a quick and dirty upconvert and slap a bunch of trophies on it. Never mind that the lucky PlayStation 3′s with backwards compatibility can do just as good of a job with the original game, you’re paying for TROPHIES!

Loss of licensing

Worst offender: Crazy Taxi
There are few things worst than meeting an old friend after years of no contact only to find they have completely changed for the worse. Well, that’s exactly what we got when they re-released Crazy Taxi for the Xbox 360. Sure, the gameplay was exactly the same, but the lack of a soundtrack from the laughably dated The Offspring just felt…wrong.

The George Lucas effect

Worst offender: Goldeneye 007
Remember how outraged you got when George Lucas retrofitted Hayden Christensen into Return of the Jedi? Well, games are far from safe from “modernization” either. Goldeneye 007 got it pretty bad on its recent re-release, replacing Pierce Brosnan with current Bond actor Daniel Craig, despite Goldeneye taking place later in the Bond timeline.

How to Protect Yourself from Mediocrity

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Trailers

If you haven’t watched it already a million times, the official trailer for ‘The Avengers’ was released this week…

…along with the trailer for Despicable Me 2

http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/universal/despicableme2/

…and the fifteenth (yes, you heard me, FIFTEENTH) Pokemon movie.

Evil Dead Reboot Update

Cloverfield’s Jessica Lucas and Legend of the Seeker actress Elizabeth Blackmore have reportedly been cast as the final two of the five young friends who send out to an isolated cabin to kick a drug habit and wind up summoning the forces of evil. They join the previously cast Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, and Lou Taylor Pucci.

I’ll wait until I see the first footage before my fist is brought in its upright and shaking position.

Quantic Dream Tech Demo

Quantic Dream has unveiled a video showing how far their progress has gotten since Heavy Rain. Note: This is not a glimpse at a new game they’re working on, only a tech demo.

Also, note that this was created OVER A YEAR AGO and held from release until now, so expect their technology to be even better now!

Don’t be surprised if the video leaves a little tear in your eye.

Gaben is filthy, stinking, rich.

Gabe Newell has joined the Forbes’ billionaires list, with a net worth of about $1.5 billion. That’s some fat cash (resist the urge people…)

New Apple iPad

New iPad has Retina Display (Full HD), it’s 2048 x 1536 (3.1 million pixels), quad core processor(A5X).

Features: iSight (5-megapixel backside illuminated sensor on the back, 5-element lens, IR filter, and ISP built into the A5X chip.), 1080p video recording, voice dictation (microphone at bottom of the keyboard), 4G LTE (Verizon, Rogers, Bell, Telus and AT&T carrier locked ipad on att will not work on verzion. and vice versa), battery life is 10 hours 9 with radio on, 1.4lbs, 9.4mm thick, $499 for start price @ 16GB 599 for 32, 699 for 64G, 150 more for 4G/LTE,

Available March 16th with a WORLD WIDE Rollout.

Peter Molyneux Goes Indie

Peter Molyneux has announced that he will be leaving both Microsoft AND Lionhead Studios following the completion of Fable: The Journey, after which he will pursue independent ventures. His new venture will be called 22 Cans.

Free game for PS Vita Owners (in the US and Canada)

PS Vita owners: don’t forget to download MotorStorm RC, free for a limited time (if you don’t mind a Scion iQ advertcar addition)

Cancellations

Fox has officially cancelled Terra Nova. Rumor has it that Netflix may pick up the series for another season exclusively through their service.

No more Cross-play in CS:GO

We’re sad to report that Counter-Strike: Global Offense will NOT have cross-platform play between PS3 and PC. This was allegedly done because PS3′s network policies would slow down the rapid fire update time they desire for the PC version.

These are the songs that took the music charts by storm, despite the lack of comprehensive lyrics. Whether the words are nonsensical, unexplainable, or even just plain noise for noise’s sake, we have to admit, they’ve got irritating levels of catchiness. To keep my sanity, I’ve limited this list to songs I could tolerate listening to as I wrote this article.

Blue Moon – The Marcels

Let’s start this off right with the oldest entry in the list, Blue Moon, as covered by The Marcels. The song was the result of executive meddling back in the 1930s, and was actually the 4th time new lyrics were written to the same tune (and I thought today’s repackaging of songs was bad…). It wasn’t until the 1960s, when doo-wop group The Marcels got a hold of the Frankensong and made it a number one hit on the Billboard chart. Their contribution to the song: a faster tempo and an unforgettable (yet total nonsense) intro.

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm – Crash Test Dummies

Crash Test Dummies is the epitome of the one-hit wonder. Though I personally find their first two albums to be among the greatest albums of the early 90s, only one song ever broke the Top 40. Behind the titular “mmm”s, there is an incredibly dark song about three “normal” kids. While the chorus might seem placeholder (a fact that the band has jokingly said was due to the fact the studio wouldn’t allow the chorus to be “fuuuuuckiiiing shiiiiiiiit”) Brad Roberts’ baritone pipes serve to make the song even more haunting.

Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop) – Scatman John

What started as a childhood stutter led to a successful career in club music, when Scatman John (then John Larkin) got introduced to the improvisation jazz technique known as scatting. Hidden within what lyrics exist in the song is a positive message towards fellow stutterers. Tragically, his career was cut short, as he died from lung cancer only 5 years after his big breakthrough hit.

MMMBop – Hanson

Deep inside, you knew this one was coming. That pop-trio of brothers that you thought you forgot about many years ago, yet their memory laid dormant inside, ready at any moment to go Godzilla on your subconscious.

You couldn’t go anywhere in 1997 without hearing the prepubescent squeals of Hanson (or its fans). If released just a year or two earlier, MMMBop would have been buried in post-grunge and college rock, destined for “one-hit wonder” status. But, alas, the band still performs today, albeit under their own independent label. Stop fighting it, you know you’ve caught yourself singing the chorus:

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du
Yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du
Yeah

In a Gadda Da Vida – Iron Butterfly

You don’t need to be on drugs to get through the entirety of Iron Butterfly’s one hit, but it certainly played a part in the song’s creation. What else could explain why the song is 17 minutes long, has enough lyrics to fill half an index card, and was retitled because the intoxicated singer slurred his way through saying “In the Garden of Eden”?

Я очень рад, ведь я, наконец, возвращаюсь домой (I Am Glad, Cause I’m Finally Returning Back Home) – Eduard Khil

Though the name might not sound familiar (and, if you don’t have the right text encoding, might appear as downright gibberish itself), you have certainly heard this song. Written, yes you heard me right, written by Russian composer Arkady Ostrovsky, this catchy little ditty was unwittingly made “Internet Famous” by Eduard Khil, who treated the tune as a vocal exercise.

Thus “Trololo” was born.

De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da – The Police

Sting penned this song intentionally to be meta, as ‘De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da’ is a simple song about how so much can be said in a simple song. Just one listen to his solo works and we beg for those simpler days to return.

Tutti Frutti – Little Richard

Tutti Frutti is pure, raw energy. It’s a mystery to how Little Richard gets through this loud and accelerated song without passing out. Like him or hate him, we must recognize him as a pioneer that put rock-and-roll on the map.

See any big moments in gibberish I missed? Feel free to post them in the comments!

Sure, you’ve been holding onto that Mass Effect 1 save for what seems like forever and you’ve been practicing your “flu voice” for months now, but do you really need to be among the first to play through Shepard’s swan song? Here are some alternative ways to spend your Tuesday outside of the Citadel:

Work/Go to Class

Come on people, it’s Tuesday. Shouldn’t you be out making money or at least pretending to care about your classwork? Sure, the fact that you’re planning to take a day off in the middle of the week sounds a lot more believable than trying to pull the old “three day weekend diarrhea”, but a mid-week break is going come back to bite you tomorrow. The fate of the universe can wait, but Calculus II waits for no man!

Play Mass Effect 1 & 2 again

Perhaps your “end-game syndrome” is flaring up. Why try and risk adding Mass Effect 3 to your growing list of games you never finished? Remember, the fate of Mass Effect 3 depends on your choices in the first two games. This time, make sure Ashley and Wrex make it through alive. Think about it. Do you really want to trust your life in the hands of Kaidan?

Go through your gaming back library

Gaming is an expensive hobby for the day 1 gamer. I’m sure if you look through your collection of games, you will find a handful of titles you just had to have right away just sitting there partially completed. Maybe the game was ultimately not what you expected. Maybe you got frustrated over a partially brutal boss or puzzle. Most likely, you just got bored and moved on to the next day 1 purchase. Show your library the respect it deserves; finish your damn games!

Would you spend $60 on a fancy dinner and not finish it? I didn’t think so.

Play “I Am Alive”

Other games besides Mass Effect 3 came out today, you know? 15 bucks (or 1200 Microsoft Points) can net you a kick-ass looking post-apocalyptic game. While it might not have the smoothest of development times, this Xbox Live Arcade (and PlayStation Network soon after) title aims to be unsettling, animalistic, and, best of all, unforgiving. A true survival horror title in an age bent on confusing survival horror with action games.

Finish your March Madness bracket

Back and forth and back and forth with a rubber ball. Sometimes it goes in a hoop from a distance, sometimes it’s rudely slammed in there. Occasionally, somebody slaps a ball and they are sent to time out while the other person stands there and plays HORSE with himself a few times. Sounds like the perfect thing to make a chart about and throw money at, right?

Hello?

Shamrock Shakes

Shamrock Shakes are like the friend you never had. Let its cool minty taste whisk away all of your troubles. They’ll stick by you through thick and thin, never criticizing your extra weight gain (which at 416 calories per small shake is likely the cause). You wouldn’t turn your back on a friend, would you?

Watch the first season of “Game of Thrones”

Now’s the perfect time to watch the show you’ve been too cheap to watch on television. You’ve plugged your ears as friends rambled on and on about how awesome the show is. You’ve seen it win countless awards, including a Golden Globe AND an Emmy for Best Supporting Actor. Now, on March 6, you can pick up the home release of Game of Thrones.

That is, unless you’re too cheap to buy the DVDs/Blu-rays.

Build a snowman

Winter might have reared its ugly head late this season, but it’s never too late to build a good old American snowman! Whether it’s three-balled (*snicker*) and sophisticated in its top hat and scarf, or a pile of soupy and dirty snow with a wig on it, snowmen can provide hours of fun at no cost. Just be sure not to grow too attached!

Protip: Pour your Shamrock Shake over your finished snowman to relive those wonderful “super-sized” days.

Shake an angry fist in the direction of EA

Peeved that Mass Effect 3 is only available through Origin, and not your ever-growing Steam library? Bring out your inner curmudgeon with a hearty fist shaking in the direction of your least favorite EA studio. Let all your rage towards the company seep into your hands and ball them into a fist, spin around violently and start shaking like you’re in a Latin band and you’ve got maracas for hands.

Trust me, you’ll look less ridiculous doing this than you will bitching about it on the Internet.

Play Mass Effect 3

…shit

Key Features

Front and Rear Touch – Double the touch of the 3DS without a court mandated restraining order.
Sixaxis – Allows tilt based controls in games; mocking looks in strangers
Trophies – For achievement junkies
Quad-core GPU – Makes the games look pretty at the expense of battery life.
Front and Rear Camera – For augmented reality, chat, and accidentally taking pictures of your nethers during a bathroom play session
Social Networking – For accidentally posting said nether picture for the whole internet to see
Two Analog Sticks – Seriously, it took THIS long to add to portable consoles?
Cross Platform Play – For multiplayer action with PS3 owners.

First Edition Bundle: $349.99

First Edition Bundle includes:

PS Vita 3G/WiFi System
4 GB memory card
Official branded PS Vita case
A copy of Little Deviants

Official Launch Systems

3G/WiFi Model: $299.99

Launch time bonuses: 8 GB memory card, Free month of 256 MB data connection (with purchase of a month), free PSN game

WiFi Model: $249.99

3G

3G service is provided by AT&T for the US release of the PlayStation Vita. Data plans are contract-free, so 3G/WiFi Vita owners can cancel at any time without fear of additional charges. The data plans are as follows:

250 MB/30 days: $14.99
3 GB/month: $30/30 days: $30.00

Vita models that support 3G will also be built in with GPS technology, which can be used to easily connect with friends nearby and accurately display location on social networks.

Launch Titles

(Note: Some titles may not be available during the early release window)

Army Corps of Hell
Asphalt: Injection
Ben 10: Galactic Racing
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Extend
Dungeon Hunter: Alliance
Dynasty Warriors Next
Escape Plan
F1 2011
FIFA Soccer
Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational
Hustle Kings
Little Deviants
Lumines: Electronic Symphony
Michael Jackson The Experience HD
ModNation Racers: Road Trip
Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus
Rayman Origins
Reality Fighters
Shinobido 2: Revenge of Zen
StarDrone Extreme
Super Stardust Delta
Touch My Katamari
Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3
Uncharted: Golden Abyss
Virtua Tennis 4: World Tour Edition
WipEout 2048

Backwards Compatibility

The PlayStation Vita will be backwards compatible with downloaded PS Minis, PS Suite, PSP, and PS1 Classic titles. It will not support physical PlayStation Portable UMDs.

Double Fine has decided to put the fate of their latest title, codenamed Double Fine Adventure, in the hands of the fans via crowdfunding website Kickstarter. This marks the company’s first attempt to nix the need for a publisher, and they’ve brought Ron Gilbert, whom Tim Schafer worked with on Maniac Mansion and the first two Monkey Island games. Documenting the entire process will be 2 Player Productions (Reformat the Planet), who will release a multi-part series spanning the entire brainstorming and development process of the new game to the project backers.

At the time of this post, the project is already more than funded, with $863,569 pledged, more than double its $400,000 goal and 33 days to go. Even with this knowledge, I had no trouble contributing to the cause. The project is also currently a PC-only, Steam-distributed affair, but with more money to work with the company might be able to expand that release to include Mac, Linux, and even portable platforms.

A $15 minimum contribution is required to receive a copy of the game, but great prizes await for those who throw even more money in their direction, including original artwork from the game, autographed posters, and even lunch with Tim and Ron (easiest $10,000 I’ve ever spent wished I spent)

[Kickstarter]

Developer Adhesive Games has revealed on their website that Hawken, the indie multiplayer mech title that caused more than a few heads to turn, will officially see release on 12/12/12. Before you pull out wads of money and start throwing it in all directions, making a nice money bed for Adhesive Games to sleep on, I’ll let you in on another exciting piece of news: Hawken will be completely free-to-play!

For those who can’t wait that long, Hawken currently has closed beta signups going on at playhawken.com. Get three friends to sign up under your recommendation and you will be put higher on the list.

CD Projekt RED will be releasing The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings in delicious Enhanced Edition form on April 17th, adding new locations, characters, animations, story arcs, and cutscenes to the already massive game. Those already with a copy of the game will be pleased to know that all this new content will be made FREE to them. Following in the footsteps of its predecessor, regardless of the method of purchase, all this content will be available through the launcher at no charge, assuming the game is purchased before the Enhanced release. Suck on that, DLC!

For those already engulfed in Geralt of Rivia’s world, here are the specifics to the new content, courtesy of CD Projekt RED sister company Good Old Games:

New major adventures set in new locations. These consist of an underground system of chambers beneath Loc Muine and a temperate coniferous forest in the Loc Muine mountains, and a secret cave passage. These new adventures will add several hours of story-based gameplay to the game.

New major characters to the Witcher story. One of them is Brigida Papebrock Dame. This noble woman comes from the Temerian family Papebrock and is a 30 year old lady-in-waiting of the Temerian court. The other characters are secret–for now!

All new animations and cut scenes, including a new, three and a half minute pre-rendered cinematic depicting the assassination of King Demavend of Aedirn. BAFTA Award winner and Academy Award nominee Tomasz Baginski brings this key historical event to life, setting the stage for the story told in The Witcher 2.

The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition hits shelves on April 17th for Xbox 360 and PC.

At least, that’s what prolific Minecraft creator Markus Persson stated to the entire Twitterverse earlier today. Tim Schafer, the man behind the original Psychonauts and one-third of the writing force behind the first two Monkey Island games, has yet to respond to this public offer. Given Double Fine’s recent track record (Stacking, Costume Quest, Trenched, Once Upon a Monster, and Happy Action Theater were all release in a span of two years to great reviews), now might be the perfect time to revisit the cult classic world of kid psychic Raz.

All ears are on you, Tim.

Those who haven’t followed the development of the show should know that the second season took a very tumultuous two years to happen. Production was initially delayed due to the original Spartacus: Blood and Sand actor, Andy Whitfield, was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. A prequel, called Spartacus: Gods of the Arena was quickly filmed to dampen the delay as he recovered. Unfortunately, attempts at recovery were not successful, and the titular character had to be recast with Australia-born Liam McIntyre starring. After a long battle, Andy Whitfield finally succumbed to cancer on September 11, 2011.

Was Liam McIntyre able to fill the big shoes of Andy Whitfield? For the most part, yes. Liam proves himself to be a competent in the role of the new leader of the gladiator rebellion. In fact, the acting seems stronger than ever this time around, a refreshing change from what Gods of the Arena had to offer. The dialogue, however, is still as smarmy as ever. The phallic-centric dialogue of Batiatus has not seemed to die with him, as every character has seemed to say everyone’s favorite giggle-worthy “rooster” synonym.