Armchair Quarterback: Week 6

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Well, what a wild week in football. I saw more up’s and down’s this week then Amy Winehouse has been in rehab. What really surprised me is all the good teams losing to teams that many pundits thought had no chance of a winning season. But as we look at the standing, there are some things that really stand out.

1. Upsets really screw with my fantasy football team

Here are the top ten teams through 6 weeks of the season.

1. Titans
2. Giants
3. Steelers
4. Bills
5. Redskins
6. Cowboys
7. Buccaneers
8. Colts
9. Cardinals
10. Panthers

Where are the Patriots?(17th, 4-2) Where are the Chargers(11th, 3-3) Where are the supposed Super-Bowl destined Viking?(21st, 3-3) My nice, comfortable sport has once again been turned upside down. And with all the upsets this weekend, I felt like I was watching College football, not pro.

Upset #1 Arizona defeats Cowboys 30-24 in Arrowhead.
Upset #2 Atlanta defeats Chicago 22-20
Upset #3 St. Louis defeats Redskins 19-17
Upset #4 Houston defeats Miami 29-28
Upset #5 Browns defeats Giants 35-10

2. Jerry is a gambler

If you haven’t heard the news, a certain Adam “Pacman” Jones has just been suspended for four games, although some are calling it indefinitely. This comes after a fight broke out in the bathroom of a hotel between Pacman and his bodyguard. So let me get this straight. He plays football and gets to hit people for a living. And after playing four quarters he still has enough aggression to take it out on his bodyguard? This guy is gone and good riddance. He has done nothing but cause trouble to first the Titans and then to the Cowboys since he was drafted. It’s such a waste that a guy with that much talent would throw it away. I mean, if Deion Sanders can’t straighten you up, who can right?

But of course, Jerry Jones has to have the final word. In a move that I think will probably go down as another “Super-Bowl or Bust” trade, Jones has traded away 3 draft picks, a first round, a third round and a sixth round, to pick up Williams who has wanted out of Detroit since he got there. Another classic example of Jones’ obesession with winning another ring? We all know T.O.’s numbers have been declining this season, he’s just not the same receiver. Chalk that up to Romo not passing to him 50 times a game or the defenses double-covering him, I don’t care. I have watched him drop more passes than he caught in the games I’ve seen him play. Maybe Williams will force him to step up and start playing like the receiver the Cowboys needs him to be. Or maybe he’ll just start complaining to the beer guy, he’s mouthed off to everyone else.

3. News Flash: Detroit is horrible

If you haven’t heard by now, the Cowardly Lions fired their GM, Matt Millen, about a week ago. They also lost their starting QB, John Kitna, for the year. So who do they find to replace him? Some guy named Dan Orlovsky. Now you would think that a guy who has been here for four years would be trying to prove that maybe, just maybe, he’s the guy the Lions should turn to. Not so fast my friends. The Russki QB had to commit what was one of the dumbet plays of the year. On a third and long from his own end zone, Orlovsky takes the snap, runs from the defence, and steps out of the end zone for a safety. Two points to the Vikings and the ball. Now seriously, how stupid do you have to be to do that?

4. Kickers are valuable.

The Bears-Falcons game should be made into a movie. Or at least a commercial. I didn’t get to watch this game, per se, but all the highlights and reports on it made for a great movie drama. Imagnie, the kicker missing an easy 33-yard field goal and having to watch the ensuing team drive the field and score to put them up by a point with less than a minute to play. Then, a spark of life. Your quarterback throws a sweet pass to his go to guy that puts you within field goal range again with 1 second to go. Now the kicker has a chance to redeem himself. As he lines for the final play of the game the move would flashback and show all the preparation, hard work, and past movie scenes in the player’s head. Then, with a deep breath, he nods and boots it for the Super-Bowl winning score. Wait, this wasn’t the super bowl was it?

5. I hear the sounds of hooves? Are the Colts finally back?

On Sunday, a struggling Colts offense went out against one of the toughest defenses in the league, the Ravens. What I thought would be a great way to boost some points for my fantasy team, I have the Ravens’ D, turned out to be a disaster. Payton looks like he’s finally in sync again, throwing for 3 touchdowns, no picks and 271 yards in what can loosely be called a blowout and what I prefer to call, “Curse of the Raven.” Damn you Payton, damn you.

6. Zebras are a bad name for officials. We should call them the Striped Congress

Why are the officials taking so long this season to decide on calls? They took 10 minutes in the Arizona-Dallas game deciding on an offsides penalty. It’s not that hard. He was obviously offsides. Five yard to the offense and move on.

Also, what’s up with bailouts all of a sudden? Do the refs really like these horrible calls that have been deciding games for the last few weeks? This week the Vikings were the victims of bad calls from zebras that I’m seriously thinking are ex-politicians in disguise. A bad pass interference call and a horrible called fumble sealed the game for a Vikings team that was really outplayed by the Cowardly Lions all game.

7. Why is it so hard to just go winless?

Seriously, I want to see one team, just one team, go completely winless this year. Is it that hard? We had four teams before this weekend, St. Louis, Detroit, Houston and Cincinnatti, who had not won a single game. I mean, 6 weeks and you still haven’t won a game is pretty damn pathetic. I thought maybe this year we would finally crown a team, “The Worst Team in NFL History”. But no, they had to go out and win. I think the coaches of all the good teams should get together and make sure that at least the remaining teams, Detroit and Cinci, go winless. That way we could have a tie and make them play each other in a special game called “The Losers Bowl.” TV ratings would be through the roof, I guarantee it.

8. Raiders lose…..again. Surprised?

If you haven’t followed the circus that is the Oakland Shiny Pirates, then be glad. It’s enough to make any sports fan just shake their head in amazement. Remember JaMarcus Russell? The all-american quarter back from LSU that was drafted first in 2007? Yeah, he sucks. Granted his supporting cast isn’t that good, but seriously, for a guy who was touted as being this amazing athletic specimen, he sure doesn’t look it. He completed 13 of 35 passes for barely 150 yard and also turned it over twice. Al Davis is the problem of this place. We all know it. The fans know it. The players know it. Hell, even my mom knows it and she never watches football. Oh, by the way, since 2003 the Shiny Pirates have a record of 20-65. Need any more proof?

9. The Mighty have Fallen

Patriots 10, Chargers 30. Enough said.

10. Seahawks are crashing….badly

If you needed any proof that Mike Holmgren wanted to retire last year, just look at the Seahawks now. Their current quarterback, Charlie Frye, put on an abysmal showing against the Packers on sunday. If you can believe it, he actually managed to throw for less than 100 yards, 83 to be exact, with two touchdown and two picks. I wonder if someone paid him off to lose.

Week 7 Games to Watch

1. New Orleans vs. Carolina. I know the Panthers were horrible this past week, but I’m looking forward to this game. The NFC South has quickly become the NFC division to watch and pitting these two offenses together should make for a fun game.

2. Detroit vs. Houston. Another shitty game, but the only reason I would watch it is for the comedy that seems to happen when you watch the Cowardly Lions play ball.

3. Pittsburgh vs. Cinci. Again, another shitty team but this time going up against the AFC North champs. I really just want to see Pittsburgh’s D demolish the Bengals.

4. Denver vs. New England. Jay Cutler vs…..never mind. Pats QB isn’t even worth mentioning. I just like to see Bellichick lose.

The rest of the games aren’t that interesting to most fans, although I will be keeping my eye on Minnesota at Chicago and Indy at Green Bay.

I’ll see you again next week.

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