Kyle J. Steenblik

20 Hard Things That are Not as Hard as Watching Get Hard

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1 1/2 stars out of 5Get Hard
Directed by: Etan Cohen
Get Hard Advance ScreeningWritten by: Jay Martel, Ian Roberts, Etan Cohen
Starring: Will Ferrell, Kevin Hart, Alison Brie, Edwina Findley, Craig T. Nelson, Tip “T.I.” Harris
Running time: 100 minutes
Rated R for pervasive crude and sexual content and language, some graphic nudity, and drug material

Get Hard is terrible, that is not to say it does not have moments I found funny, it did, it is to say that just because it is funny, doesn’t mean it is acceptable.  Making rape homosexual rape or prison rape, does not make it acceptable to be the subject of comedy.  This film crossed serval lines of taste and civility waving the flag of comedy as if it were a shield.  That said, I do have to say that Kevin Hart was not only good, but also funny.  He has some terrific comedic moments; he also had some abysmal ones.  I wish I could say his fantastic comedic moments came from a much better film, rather than the waste of cinematic time that Get Hard was.

When millionaire hedge fund manager James (Will Ferrell) is nailed for fraud and bound for a stretch in San Quentin, the judge gives him 30 days to get his affairs in order.  Desperate, he turns to Darnell (Kevin Hart) to prep him for a life behind bars.  But despite James’ one-percenter assumptions, Darnell is a hard-working small business owner who has never received a parking ticket, let alone been to prison.  Together, the two men do whatever it takes for James to “get hard” and, in the process, discover how wrong they were about a long of things—including each other

20 hard things that are not as hard as watching Get Hard

  1. Spending a night in prison.  It’s not fun … I hear … from friends.
  2. Refinancing your house.  I now believe it is possible to survive this process.
  3. Explaining to your child why personal freedoms can sometimes be at odds with local laws, and that means we shouldn’t ignore the law but do your best to get unjust laws changed.  Also why daddy might be away for a little while.
  4. Math.  Seriously, numbers and I do not get along.
  5. Waking up every day at 5 A.M. to go to a job you cannot stand but cannot quit because of crippling debt but every day takes you one-step closer to retirement, you just need to hold on 30 more years.
  6. Jogging.  If I can watch this movie, I can jog, a little, at least for 100 minutes.
  7. Hitting every note in Bohemian Rhapsody.  It hurts, but it is possible.
  8. Microwaving a Hot Pocket to the perfect temperature.
  9. Not laughing when the principal of your son’s elementary school calls you because your son proudly announced to his class “my mom is a smart-ass”.
  10. Not laughing when your son’s elementary school principal almost laughs.
  11. Not eating the whole thing.
  12. Talking to your children about how sexual assault is not a punchline.
  13. Deciding between the large case of cheap beer, and the small 6-pack of delicious finely crafted micro-brew.  If you cannot tell, I seriously struggle with the quality over quantity question.
  14. Talking to your children about how sexual orientation is not a goddamned punchline.
  15. Eat more kale, or any kale, all on its own.  Like a big bowl of green socks.  It tastes a little like dirt, very earthy.
  16. Sit through 8 hours of a high level cooperate training on decision-making.  These hours you will never get back, but on the up side, it may help you make better choices, like not going to see Get Hard.
  17. Calculate the arrival date for a spacecraft leaving earth orbit today continuously accelerating at a rate of 100km/s.    It will be a Wednesday … somewhere.
  18. Pass a kidney stone.
  19. Play with you kids.  Really play with them, get down on the floor—I know it is next to impossible to get up after that, but do it anyway—and break out he LEGO Bricks, or a board game, or even just a big box of Crayons.
  20. Volunteer with PETA to euthanize puppies and kittens.

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