Ryan Thomason

10 Things Red Hulk Hates About His Corporate Job

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Red Hulk, like many unemployed people in America had to face the recession and get a real job to support his hobby of trying to kill The Hulk and just cause basic destruction on a mass scale. Now, we sent a documentary crew to follow him so he could talk about his new life filing TPS reports and bringing Chili to company potlucks.

Red Hulk

Hi! I’m Red Hulk, in this documentary about how terrible my life is now I will now tell you the 10 things I hate about my new job as a corporate schmuck for a *cough* agency *cough* that both underpays me and doesn’t utilize my skillset. Also, their Health Insurance is less than optimal. Lets get started!

Red Hulk

#1! RED HULK HATES ALL THESE UNUSED OFFICES! SERIOUSLY! WHY CAN’T I HAVE ONE OF THEM, THEY’RE ALL EMPTY FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS. THIS IS JUST ONE HALLWAY OF 20, YOU’RE NOT HIRING MORE PEOPLE SO YOU CAN SQUEEZE MORE OUT OF MY PRODUCTIVITY, WE GET IT!

#2! SPEAKING OF WALKWAYS, WHY DID YOU TEAR UP THE SIDEWALK AND THEN JUST LEFT IT FILLED WITH ROCKS? I APOLOGIZED FOR SMASHING THE GROUND REALLY HARD WHEN I FOUND OUT SHELLY WAS LEAVING HER HUSBAND BECAUSE HE IS CHEATING ON HER BUT UNEVEN WALKING AREAS ARE A HAZARD!

#2! SPEAKING OF WALKWAYS, WHY DID YOU TEAR UP THE SIDEWALK AND THEN JUST LEFT IT FILLED WITH ROCKS? I APOLOGIZED FOR SMASHING THE GROUND REALLY HARD WHEN I FOUND OUT SHELLY WAS LEAVING HER HUSBAND BECAUSE HE IS CHEATING ON HER BUT UNEVEN WALKING AREAS ARE A HAZARD! RED HULK HATES THIS SIDEWALK!

RED HULK

#3! RED HULK HATES FANCY SOAPS IN THE MENS ROOM. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE GAMMA RADIATION OR DEER ANTLER SCENTED SOAPS?

RED HULK

#4! RED HULK HATES HOW THERE ARE NO RED PENS IN THE PENS DRAWER, THIS IS A CLEAR CASE OF COLOR DISCRIMINATION AND I PLAN ON FILING WITH MY HR REPRESENTATIVE SOON.

RED HULK

#5! RED HULK HATES WEB FILTERS! WHY CAN’T I LOOK AT PICTURES OF THE HULK BEING MUTILATED ON 4CHAN? SERIOUSLY, I KNOW WHAT THE IT GUY IS DOING YOU SHOULD BE MORE CONCERNED WITH HIM!

#6! RED HULK HATES IT WHEN PEOPLE JUST LEAVE THEIR DISHES IN THE SINK. NOBODY HERE IS YOUR DAMN HOUSEWIFE, WASH YOUR DISHES BEFORE I SMASH THEM OVER YOUR HEAD!

#6! RED HULK HATES IT WHEN PEOPLE JUST LEAVE THEIR DISHES IN THE SINK. NOBODY HERE IS YOUR DAMN HOUSEWIFE, WASH YOUR DISHES BEFORE I SMASH THEM OVER YOUR HEAD!

RED HULK

#7! RED HULK HATES THIS BROKEN COFFEE MAKER. SERIOUSLY YOU SPENT $500 ON IT AND YOU WON’T GET A NEW ONE OR GET IT FIXED. EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET OFF THE CHAI TEA KICK THE WHOLE OFFICE IS ON LATELY, RED HULK DEMANDS COFFEE!

RED HULK

#8! RED HULK HATES ALL THESE TERRIBLE OPTIONS IN THE FOOD PANTRY. YES, I GET IT, THEY ARE ALL ONLY 50 CENTS. GET SOME DAMN ROLOS OR SOMETHING AT LEAST YOU JERKS.

RED HULK

#9! RED HULK HATES HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THIS SCANNER IS. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PRINT OFF PICTURES OF MY RED BUTT IF I CAN’T EVEN GET INTO THIS THING PROPERLY?

RED HULK

#10! FINNALY! RED HULK HATES THIS INDUSTRIAL SHREDDER! IT IS REALLY LOUD AND WHEN SOMEONE IS IN HERE FOR 3 HOURS SHREDDING TOP SECRET CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS I WANT TO SMASH MY WORK DESK TO PIECES. OK THAT’S IT, WE’LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON THIS ONGOING DOCUMENTARY.

RED HULK

TEE HEE, I FEEL BETTER NOW.

If you want to play with figures like Red Hulk, we got ours from Diamond Select Toys for $24.99.

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